Things That Are Old Sayings

Personal tidbit about TheHusBlog, I work in Marketing.  I am more geared towards the technology side of the equation, but my degree is in marketing and it fascinates me.  Marketing is all about convincing your audience to do what you want them to do.  In my opinion Marketing is that last great battlefield and there are so many lessons to be learned there.  This of course got me thinking of age old sayings that we use in our society.  These sayings are in and of themselves a type of Marketing (you can tell I love Marketing because I keep capitalizing the word).  I decided to break down some of those old sayings that we use everyday and apply them to marriage:

  1. "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush":  Telling your wife you will do somethings she asked you to do and telling her it is already done are two different things.
  2. "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise":  Get up before your wife and make the coffee.
  3. "Expect the worst, hope for the best": Always be ready for your wife to be in a bad mood, but if she isn't enjoy it.
  4. "A place for everything and everything in its place":  Seriously, pick up your dirty laundry and put it in the hamper.
  5. "Absolute power corrupts, absolutely":  Don't spend money when the wife is not looking.
  6. "A watched pot never boils":  Watching your wife get ready for a night out will not make her get ready any faster, in fact it will more than likely slow her down.
  7. "One step forward, two steps back": Don't cover a criticism with a compliment, example "Honey, you looked way better on our wedding day..."
  8.  "Revenge is best served cold":  She is going to get you, you won't know when or how...
I could seriously write about 10 more of these if I wanted to, but I will stop here.  I am probably going to have to do a part two to this post.  I am sure you all have some ideas of your own so please feel free to post them in the comments


Husband Trials : Why the Hell was my Saturday Post Late?!

When I started this blog three things were key :

  • Posts should be funny/entertaining/informative
  • Posts should be written in a way that is fun to read
  • Posts will occur on a schedule and be ON TIME!
Well I failed on the third criteria this week and I feel I need to offer an explanation.  You see, I take this blog seriously, I do not have a hundred thousand hits each week(well not yet anyway) but those who do visit and read deserve honesty.  This blog is really fun for me to write, I enjoy it, but I know that others enjoy it as well and I hate to leave a reader hanging when they are expecting a post.  I usually have several posts in process each week but lately, my life has been pretty busy and as such I was left without content this week.  I tried to correct it as soon as possible but still missed my deadline.  There are two major things that have happened that caused me to miss my deadline.

  1. My younger brother GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!!!  The weekend before last I headed out of town to attend my brother's graduation.  It was awesome.  My brother is an amazing person and as he grows up, I am seeing in him some of the same traits I possess and it was incredible to see him graduate.  Graduations are usually a pain in the ass, to be honest.  You face crowds, crappy parking, and fucking air horns (I really don't want to swear here, but seriously, how do they check bags for bottled water and not air horns?).  It was a great achievement for him and I was so glad to be there, in fact I was honored because he graduated with the same degree I have...
  2. As I stated in another Husband Trials post, my wife is in her residency to become a CRNA.  As such she has remote sites that she has to work at for a month at a time.  The month of May she is in a rural site in Colorado.  It has been hard without her around and what makes it harder is that because she is in a rural area her cell phone coverage is spotty at best.  In fact, from May 1st thru May 20th we had maybe 30 minutes worth of phone conversation and the text messages we sent back and forth were often delayed by as much as 5 hours.  During one of our conversation where we had a decent connection we planned a trip for me to visit.  That visit was this past weekend.  I had to fly into Colorado, then rent a car and drive over two hours to get to her, but it was worth it.  To be completely honest all we did was talk.  I have often taken for granted how much a good conversation is needed, but not anymore.  It was a great trip, my wife and I connected in a way that still makes me smile.  There is no cable where she is, and the Internet connection is also spotty at best, so we listened to music, chit chatted, and played cards (I totally won).  It was a great weekend to remember how much I love her and how much our marriage means to me.  
So there you have it.  Those are the reasons my post was late.  They are not excuses, but they are at least an explanation.  I really do appreciate all the emails I receive and I want everyone to know that I do respond to them.  I write this blog for two reasons :
  1. For Me : It helps me sort out my thoughts and process events going on in my life.
  2. For You : I hope others can learn from my lessons and appreciate my experiences.
If you are a husband take a moment and think about all things that you and your wife do together.  Once you do that, then think about what it would be like to do them alone.  Learn from me and appreciate all the little connections you have with your wife and take the time to tell her how much they mean to you.  

I am sorry that I missed a post, even though I back dated it to look like I didn't.  I strive to keep up, I will miss them on occasion but I promise to keep up as best I can.  Thank you for reading, thank you for emailing, please keep doing so.


Terms of Excess

We all do too much of something sometimes.  We do this as individuals but we also do this as couples.  In fact it can be very interesting to watch the types of situations where a couple goes too far.  So I give you... Terms of Excess.

"Last night we..."

  • Drank too much : I have found in most marriages there is one person who is more of a drinker than the other.  This helps facilitate a balancing in drinking, however there are times when the partner who does not drink wants to cut loose, and when that happens the drinker of the relationship can usually match non-drinker and then some.  Usually what is left in the morning is a very, very hung over couple.  But you know what they say, the couple that vomits together, stays together... or something like that.
  • Spent too much : Another yin/yang type situation here.  My wife is more of the saver and I am more of the spender.  Now as I have matured, I have become more saving oriented, but there are still those days when I go out and buy a new White I phone 4 for example.  The danger here lies in the fact when both people want something, usually something the two can enjoy and the spending shield goes down for a little bit.  This can be dangerous, but it is sometimes needed.  Think about spending a large amount of money on a new bed for example, yes it is extravagant, but think of all the fun you will have breaking it in...
  • Had too much fun : This can happen when you both decide to ignore some responsibilities and have fun.  Maybe you head out for a movie and some dinner when you both need to get caught up on housework or regular work.  Yeah, it can suck to be behind the eight-ball with work, but the chance for you and your wife to play hooky is usually worth it.

* Side-note : I am setting this post to show up as posting on Saturday but those of you who follow me regularly will know that this post did not go up on Saturday.  TheHusBlog(love referring to myself in the third person) has had an interesting couple of weeks and I plan on sharing that in a Husband Trials post coming soon.  That being said I am sorry to miss a post day and will try to do that very rarely.


A Husband's Guide to : Advice

"Really, TheHusBlog, now you are writing a blog about advice?!"  First off, thank you for using my name.  "You're Welcome."  Secondly, I feel like after all my blogs I would be negligent if I did not take some time to explore the idea of advice giving.  Whenever I think about advice I am drawn to a quote from Baz Luhrmann in his "Everyone's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)"

"Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth."

And I cannot write about advice without sharing one of my father's favorite pieces of advice : "Always leave the sand trap better than how you found it."  My father was an avid golfer for many years, and the custom, when your ball lands in a sand trap is to hit your ball out of it, then rake the sand trap back to a pristine condition before moving on.  Now for those of you who don't golf, a sand trap is just what it sounds like, a trap (easy Admiral Ackbar...{if you get that joke then you are a total nerd and I love you for it}).  So the advice really is two fold.  Oh crap I forgot a definition pause...  Hang on...

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : How "Always leave the sand trap better than how you found it." is two fold advice...(I know that was smooth right?)

  • The Main Point : This piece of advice at it's core is about making every situation better than when you found it.  Think of every act you do as your legacy, leaving things better because you were involved.  This doesn't mean you have to save the world, but maybe cleaning the kitchen after you cook dinner is a good start.  Keep it simple, but mind the fact that leaving something better than how you found it is at least something to strive for.
  • The Underlying Point : If you notice, in the situation you are in a sand trap, a bad place.  In fact in golf there are few places as bad as the sand.  So the advice is really not only about making a situation better, but it is about making a situation better when you are in a tough spot.  Now hopefully a little light bulb has gone off over your head and you begin to realize the depth of this saying.  So in reality the point is about creating a better situation when you, yourself are hitting a rough patch...
Take the high road in a fight, swallow your hurtful words before they come out, comfort someone else when you need some comfort...  All these are examples of leaving the sand trap better than when you found it.  


Things I Miss When My Wife Is Gone

My wife is out of town for the next couple of weeks for her residency.  She has been gone a week and communication with her is difficult.  She is in a very rural area, and cell service is spotty at best.  We do not get a chance to talk too often so when we do it is filled with daily details and updates.  The situation has of course lead me to think about all the thing I miss about my wife...

Things I Miss...

  • Inside Jokes : Just like me, I am sure you and your wife have inside jokes that only the two of you know.  For example the following things mean nothing to you...  "And skating, and skating, and skating..."  Or "It's your job..."  Just typing these things make me smile, but only my wife will get them...
  • Activity Partner : My wife and I don't do all of our errands together, but there are some things that are just more fun as a pair, like going out to eat or seeing a movie.
  • Favorite TV Shows : My wife and I have tv shows that we like to watch together so when she is not around I don't have my tv buddy...
So those are things I miss.  I would challenge you husbands to take a moment and think about what you would miss with your wife gone for a month.  And once you know what you would miss make sure not to take it for granted.


A Husband's Guide to : The One Ring

I am going warn you in advance, this is going to be a dorky, tongue and cheek post.  You see my wife is out of town and I have been left to my own devices.  I have decided to make it a Lord of the Rings Trilogy weekend.  Well right at the beginning the movie talks about the One Ring and immediately I looked at my wedding band.  While I studied the ring that signifies my status of being married, my commitment, and the love of my wife, the movie said the following :

One Ring to Rule them all, One Ring to Find Them,
One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them...

This lead me to think about what my ring really means to me.  When I think about my marriage, the ring on my finger really does symbolize so much.  Then I got to thinking how do I show that in my day to day actions.  If I was to treat my marriage as quest, what would my banner be...

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : My Ring Symbolizes...

  • Trust : My wife is the only one for me.  My ring shows that to the outside world.  I am taken, sorry ladies, this guy is off the market.
  • Honor : I talk about my wife all the time.  Usually I am telling people how proud I am of her.  She is pursuing an advanced degree and working really hard.
  • Joy : Thinking about my wife usually makes me smile.  She is a very funny person and when she is in a good mood there is not better company in the world.
When you are first married, the trappings of marriage fascinate.  Think about how many times you played with your wedding ring right after you got married.  As the years add up your ring might just become a part of you, so much so, that you forget you are wearing it.  Take a moment, think about your ring, and make up in your mind what it means to you, your wife, and your life together.  Think about it in a fun way or a real way, but in the end just think about it...


Terms of Grooming

Okay guys, let me set the stage.  Your wife is getting ready for date night and she spends at least an hour locked in the bathroom doing God knows what, while you wait patiently.  She comes out, 15 minutes late and you two head off to your destination.  Now, what is the difference in men getting ready and women.  Well usually for women, hair takes longer, and they have to do makeup so that accounts for more time.  But men what DO YOU DO to get ready for a date night, because other than showering, brushing your teeth and shaving your face, what else could you do...right?  Wrong.  There are some things that men should do, I give you terms of Grooming.

"I need to..."

  • Manscape : You would not appreciate if your wife was really hairy "down there" so why do you think you could get away with it.  Some trimming should be done regularly to make yourself look good, besides trimming down there will make you look bigger anyway.  Another thing often over looked by most men is to trim or shave your arm pit hair.  Think about cuddling for a moment.  You laying on your back and your wife snuggled up to you with your arm around her, well if you do not trim she could have you arm pit hair on her neck, which is gross.  Another added bonus is your deodorant might actually be applied to your skin as opposed to just clumping in your arm pit hair...  Really, they are simple steps.
  • Shape my eyebrows : There is one key to eye brows, "There should be two of them."  Do some up keep to make sure your eye brows accent your eyes, not detract from them.  However a word to wise, be careful with eye brow trimmers and make sure not to trim too close, because they take a LONG time to grow back.
  • Clip the Toenails : Nothing is worse, according to my wife, than being woken up by sharp toe nails digging into your flesh.  Seriously guys, clip them!  If you cannot reach them, either by injury or "growth" then go and get a pedicure.  Keep it dull!
  • Ex foliate :  Dead skin accumulates on your body, the best way to get rid of it, is to shower and scrub your body.  This will make for smooth, touchable skin.  You want that.  If you wife likes touching you, then only good things will follow...
Grooming is something that we men need to do.  It not only helps us look better but reminds us of all things our wives do to look better.  I am sure that I have missed a few, leave a comment and let me know.


A Husband's Guide to : Perspective

Ah, perspective... (I have to put in a little aside here, I have written, and rewritten this post a couple times and the only thing that has stayed throughout all of the iterations was the beginning line "Ah, perspective...")  To me, getting the right perspective on things is a Zen like pursuit, you will never fully attain it, but the journey is important.

A marriage is all about compromise, but sometimes one person has to put themselves in the other person's shoes.  This can be a feat of epic proportions when in a fight.  Often times we can be so consumed with the idea that we are right, that we cannot see the other person's point of view which will severely hinder coming to any type of understanding.  So we as Husbands must walk a fine line between being a hard headed jerk and a door mat that just gets walked all over...  The key to staying in the middle of those two extremes is of course perspective.

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Barriers to True Perspective

  • Honor : When our word is called into question, most men will get very angry.  It is a hard thing, to have someone question our integrity and then listen patiently while they explain why.  A great example of this is when our wives ask us our opinion about something, we give it, then she thinks we are lying.  It could be about something really small, like whether or not you like the dress she has on.  We say "yes." And she doubts it.  She might doubt it because our voice got a little higher, or because we looked away when we answered.  The simple truth is she observed a behavior that she felt was dishonest.  Now our first reaction might be to get angry that our words where not trusted, but the truth of the matter is, maybe, we did give a signal that our words might now have been true, take a second, step back and realize, she is not calling into question your honor, just the last couple words you said...
  • Situational : Your wife probably does not understand all the ins and outs of your job.  You might come home and tell her how awful your day was, and she might tell you that you are over reacting.  Now she is giving her perspective.  You might not like it, but the truth of the matter is, she was not there and sometimes it is hard to convey a situation with words.  
  • Emotional : More often than not the only thing that travels faster than light is the feeling of being hurt.  In the midst of an argument, our hurt feelings can cloud the situation.  It can be hard to take a step back when emotions are high, but that is often the best step you can take.
So I know what you are thinking : "TheHusBlog, I know your usual method is to wax intellectual about something and then bring it all together at the end, but to be honest this seems a little rambling..."  Well that or you are thinking, "Can I just call you 'Hus' for short?"  

I guess this is a little rambling, mainly because Perspective is such a hard topic to write about.  I mean the greatest philosophers of all time struggled with one question : "What is truth?"  And to discover truth you have to have the right perspective.  I don't believe that any person can have true perspective, because perspective grows the more you are able to take yourself out of the equation.  To see Truth, you have to remove your feelings, misconceptions, and opinions.  No person is able to completely remove those things, so no person can achieve Truth, or Perspective, or whatever you would like to call it.

We all struggle to not only grow, but to grow with our partner, sometimes the road is rocky, and fights do happen, but if you can try to be just a little objective, then you might walk away with some perspective on the situation, that might not only end the fight quicker, but make for a more satisfying resolution...


powered by Blogger | WordPress by Newwpthemes | Converted by BloggerTheme