A Husband's Guide to : Proper Communication Channels

Communication is one of those things I am passionate about.  Books have been written about communication and even about communication in marriage so the idea that I could tackle the topic in a small little blog post is laughable at best.  But I would like to focus on the channel of communication and when it is or isn't appropriate.

In our society we have so many methods of communication at our finger tips it is scary.  In the past you had three, via written word in mail, via phone, via in person.  Now with smart phones, social media, Skype, etc. the communication channels abound.

That being said not all communication channels are equal and some or better suited for some types of communication than others.

"But TheHusBlog how will I be able to tell the difference?"

I am glad you asked.

"You made me ask..."

Shhhhhhhh....you're pretty when your quiet.

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Communication Channels and their uses

  • Texting : This is becoming by far the most frequently used channel for communication.  This is best for quick requests, acknowledgments, or messages.  
Some good examples are :
    • "Can you stop by the store on your way home and pick up milk"
    • "I picked up your dry cleaning so no need for you to stop"
    • "Thank you for the sweet sweet lovin' last night"
Some bad examples are :

    • "So why were you in such a bad mood last night" (This is too open ended for a quick response is best handled in person or on the phone)
    • "Can you make plans with your parents for dinner sometime."  (This is trick question.)
    • "The computer doesn't work."  (This is not worded in the form of a question thus cannot be answered.)
  • Video Chat : Video chat is great if you and your spouse are apart.  It can be very comforting to see his/her face when he/she is out of town.  However do not let the technology get in the way.  Many a conversation have been wasted on bad transfer times where one person is talking and the other person is say "huh" repeatedly.  If it isn't working well then close the laptop and pick up the phone.  
  • Facebook : Really only good for posting pictures of your wedding and telling the world that you like tacos.  Oh and if you live in Texas, for posting pictures of your car's thermostat in the summer.   Yeah we get it, it's hot...  What the hell did you expect, we live in Texas!
  • Email : It's not just for business anymore...  Email is great if you are trying to coordinate plans with multiple people.  Start an email thread and watch collaboration at work.
  • Words with Friends Chat : This is a sneaky area where people hide their secret conversations.

All that being said nothing replaces good face to face communication.  We as a society do too much.  We are all balancing multiple things and technology can only make our lives easier if we use it right.  You know the old saying :

Communication is 10% is what you said, 20% is how you said it, 25.7% is what shoes you where wearing when you said it, 18.2% the background noise while you where saying it, 2.9% the color of your eyes, 7.8% the phase of the moon when you said it, 6.4% the manner in which you constructed your verbal segues, 3.5% the name of your first grade homeroom teacher, 2.2% the number of times you cleared your throat, and 3.3% the number freckles visible on your left arm while you were saying it...  Or something like that.  And yes my ADD made sure that all those numbers add up to 100% in case you were wondering.

"I wasn't."

Be quiet voice in my head!

"Because I am pretty when I am quiet you condescending bastard."


"I hate you."

All kidding aside the most important part of effective communication is listening.  Hear what your spouse is saying, ask questions if you are confused, and by all means if you are getting upset take a second for "recalculating"  (That is a shameless plug for a post I wrote a while back that I still think is awesome).


And I Have A New Most Popular Post

I was checking my stats today and it looks like my former most popular post Guide To Bleaching You Asshole has been dethroned.

My new most popular post is My New Hat is Legit.  I have no idea why this has occurred but I felt it was interesting enough to share.  It also makes me curious.  What posts to my other bloggers have that is their most popular post?

Breakfast Tacos FTW

Good Morning faithful and fabulous readers!

I typically write my posts a day or two in advance, however, here I sit, 1 hour before my post deadline...  Writing.

This is mainly due to the fact that we had friends over last night and decided to go out to eat and then have some cocktails...

We started the evening at a local mexican restaurant, my wife and I had eaten there before and weren't very impressed but this time was much better.  From there we headed to a local "watering hole" (aka Bar) for lively conversation and even more lively spirits.  As it turns out Captain Morgan (my favorite Spirit) sent their "Morgenettes" to this place and we got a bunch of free swag.

I placed my free swag next to our new Bonsi Tree in an effort to class up the photo.  It is funny to me that last night, my hat, shot glasses, and neckless seemed awesome and this morning all I can think is : "Really, where am I going to put this crap."

It goes without saying that I am just a wee bit hung over this morning and that would normally be an awful experience, but this morning I remembered there is a taco place within walking distance that has supposedly excellent Breakfast Tacos...

So I went and got some tacos this morning and they were EXCELLENT.  That review could be colored by the rum slowly leaving my pours, but damn they were tasty.

I don't really have a good way to bring this post to a close so I am going to grab another Powerade and perhaps an Alieve and go back to bed.


Lyrics Stuck In My Head -- An Exorcism of Karl Wolf's Ghetto Love

So it appears that I have another song stuck in my head.  Time for me to explore the lyrics in an attempt to rid myself of humming this ditty which borrows it's hook from Glory of Love, which will forever be associated to the original Karate Kid...

[Chorus]I am the man who will fight for your heart andI'll be the hero that your dreamin' ofWe'll live foreverKnowin' togetherThat we did it all for this ghetto ghetto love  --I am very unsure what ghetto love is
I take back everything I said it don't mean nothing  --Double negatives, really?Cause the fight we had so many though  --I assume most of those fights were over song titlesA Ghetto LoveI tell you that you gotta let me visit my son  --clearly he is talking to the mother of his childBut then you tell me no  --Visitation appears to be in questionA Ghetto LoveBut shawty I can'tTake my eyes awayEven though we can'tget alone todayI made that promise to you that faithful day  --If that promise was to not make bad music consider it brokenSo I say
[Chorus]I am the man who will fight for your heart andI'll be the hero that your dreamin' ofWe'll live foreverKnowin' togetherThat we did it all for this ghetto ghetto love   --Still unclear on ghetto love but appears to have to do with visitation rights and calling the mother of your child shawty
I'm lookin' at this sexy girl from a distance  --Sounds like someone is stalkingShe's so damn style i'mma witness  --I was just telling my wife the other day how style she wasLet me tell ya wohoooooMove that thing ya wohoooooLet me tell yaAnd then I take her to the parking line  --All women love to be taken to parking lots, so romanticJump into my car and straight to my spot say wohoooThen she started a fight as she stepped out the club  --Fighting this early in the relationship is not a good sign.Only cause a fan trying give me a little hug  --Oh yes because fans only give little hugs, BTW what about that promise to the woman in the first verse, seems to be a little forgotten huh Karl?So I say

[Chorus]I am the man who will fight for your heart andI'll be the hero that your dreamin' of (Ghetto Love)We'll live foreverKnowin' togetherThat we did it all for this ghetto ghetto love
Everybody say nowGhetto for the Ghetto for the ghet Ghetto LoveEverybody say nowGhetto for the Ghetto for this Ghetto Love
[Kardinal Offishall rap]I can't shake when I'mon her Ghetto Love  --Ghetto love is now sounding like HerpesWith a Ghetto girlEveryday's a fight nowWe get a worldI gotta get away whileThe getting is good  --Already looking for a way out and song isn't even overAnd get top and grindLet me think like I know I shouldBue every woman  --Bue?Needs a little big more than wouldShe expects that from me cause she know I wouldDo anything, anywhere, everytime for my shorty even thoughWe bicker I came right back to get herPull her clothes 'till her body say hello  --How does a body say hello other than a nice hand wave?This is Kardinal and Mister Wolf Ga Letto  --Ga Letto actually sounds German right. maybe Klingon...
[Chorus]I am the man who will fight for your heart andI'll be the hero that your dreamin' of (I'm your hero)We'll live foreverKnowin' togetherThat we did it all for this ghetto ghetto love
Everybody say now:Ghetto for the Ghetto for the Ghet Ghetto Love(X2)
And I'll fight for you until the end of timeEverybody say now Ghetto for the GhettoFor this Ghetto Love

Things I Think My Cat is Saying to Me When I Get Home

So my wife and I's cat has been very needy lately.  I think now that she is used to her new surroundings she has decided that she isn't getting enough attention, love, adoration, worship.  Lately, when I get home she comes running into greet me, and let out a loud, angry :


I have tried to decipher her meaning and here is what I have come up with:

  • "You know I have no concept of time right, so according to me you have been gone for 300 years, where the fuck have you been?  Feed me!"
  • "Why didn't you leave the tv on while you were gone, now I missed The View.  Feed Me!"
  • While you were gone I heard all kinds of strange noises, you know I hate strange noises, next time you better ensure I don't hear ANYTHING!  Feed me."
  • "If there isn't tuna in that bag there will be hell to pay!  Pet me!"
  • "I discovered a new place to sit right in front of the television and you weren't here to see it.  Guess what fucker, I am going to sit here all night long.  Pet me."
  • "If a package from Amazon comes it is for me.  That'll teach you to leave your computer on with Amazon signed in.  Feed and Pet me!"
  • "I slept for 14 hours today, and I have woken up just in time to fuck with you all night long!"
  • "I am going to stare at you until you wake up tonight."
  • "Just so you know I am going to wait until about a minute before you get up from the couch to jump on your lap and settle in the cutest way possible..."
  • "I am going to spend the rest of the night walking directly in front of you and stopping for no apparent reason...  Feed me."

A Husband's Guide to : Entrance Ramps

Every morning I have to get on the highway at a very intense entrance ramp.  It has a short ramp and then a very short merging lane.  Less than 500 feet beyond the entrance the highway splits, the way I go dumps me on the new highway then I have to cross 4 lanes of traffic in short order to be in position for another left exit.

Every morning I like to crank some loud music, preferably in the rock genre to get pumped for my merging and rapid lane changing.  The key to successfully getting where I want to go is to be at the right speed.  Nothing ruins this whole process more than someone going too slow or too fast.  The people who go too slow cannot merge effectively, causing cars in the right lane to either swerve out of the way of cut off the timid driver.  The people who go too fast usually make too many lane changes and cannot get in the right place in time causing other cars to brake suddenly when speedy driver over shoots his/her move.  After the merging is complete and highway is changed we now have to perform our rapid sequence 4 to 5 lane change.  Being at the right speed here is paramount as well.  One has to pick the right moment for the lane change and quickly match the appropriate speed.  And then repeat.

This little dance I engage in every morning is a fitting metaphor for our marriages as well.  Being at the same speed as your partner can make everything go smoother.  Have you ever had a horrible day, get home see your spouse and before asking how their day was go off and how horrible yours was.  Then after 10 minutes of complaining about how the oil change guy is out to destroy you one air filter at a time, and how your boss is most certainly one step away from water boarding your whole department, and how some moron in a Prius with a Vegan bumper sticker cut you off on the way home and you plotted a plan to secretly follow them home and sneak ground beef into their tofu smoothie (or is that just me?), you realize your spouse was smiling when you go home, but now is not...  (That last sentence was 93 words long, which is way too many words for a proper sentence.)   The point of that incredibly long sentence is that you can bring your gloom with you home and put it on your spouse.  Your spouse could have had a great day and was all ready to tell you about how they just saved a bunch of money, or got a promotion, or learned how to play the Harp (that last one seems unlikely).  Instead you have brought them to your speed rather than matching theirs (see what I did there).

Things work best when you and your spouse have a matching speed.  It can be very tempting, after a bad day to come home and unload, but if you do, you might miss out some of the fun your spouse had to share.  Conversely, if you are in a great place and your spouse isn't, it is incumbent upon you to try to get them to a happy place.

You have to remember to step outside of yourself to make sure that you and your spouse are traveling at the same speed, it is not always easy, and sometimes it just won't work out.  But if you keep at I promise you will spend far more time riding together than trying to catch up...


Husband Trials : I have been drinking and I made soup

Today has been a great day.  First off it was a day off from work which was very nice because the past two weeks have been awful, long night, conflict ridden, and problematic days.  I told the wife that today I planned on doing whatever I wanted to do, she looked at me as she always does when I make bold, declarative statements...  Which is usually with her head cocked to the side a bit and look on her face that says : "why are you saying this as if I am going to fight you on it?"

So with my bold statement made I set about my plan for today.  I woke up at 6.30 am, watched a little tv then went back to bed, as I am want to do, and slept another 2 hours.  I awoke at 9.30 full of purpose.  I was going to clean the apartment, do some laundry and make some soup.  Before you say anything I know that seems like a lame day to some but it made me happy.

I looked up some recipes and settled on Italian Wedding Soup which is a personal favorite of mine and made my grocery list.  I live in downtown Dallas so I can walk to a store, which is important because I also decided I was not driving today.

Making a grocery list when you are walking to and from the store is an important task.  You have to plan not only for the weight of the items you are going to purchase, but also for how they will fit in your re-usable grocery bags(I am totally green).  So I had my list with me and went to the store.  It is only a 8 minute walk from my apartment.  I bought my items and headed home.  As I was unpacking I realized I forgot to put chicken broth on my list.  Seriously, the main ingredient of the soup...  I know, I know...

I headed back to the store and bought my broth, then I also bough some items to make chocolate chip cookies.  Got back to the apartment, made the cookies and did some laundry.

My lunch consisted of 4 chocolate chip cookies...  Okay fine 6, 8 chocolate chip cookies(Don't judge me).  They were amazing.  As laundry was winding down I started cooking my soup.  Italian Wedding Soup has meatballs so I had to make the meatballs first.  I did not think about how long it would take to roll out 50+ tiny meatballs but whatever, I had a movie on and was not going to be thwarted.

The soup making was going well so I decided to pour myself a cocktail, because it was a day off after all. It was yummy, so yummy in fact I poured another which is why I am in such a good mood now.  I got a buzz on, made some amazing soup and got a bunch accomplished.  Don't worry I am not at Mandolin Rain Drunk (shout out to Andrea at Maybe It's Just Me) but I will be getting dangerously close soon.

So on to proof of my soup:

Okay I don't know if my iPhone camera does it justice, kind of looks green but I assure you it is not.  The soup tasted amazing, and thank goodness for that because I am going to eating it at least once a day for the next week.  

And now a quick segue:

So I have been asking my wife to do a guest post on my blog for a while now.  I think it would be funny to see her take on being married to me.  She said she did not think anyone would actually want to read that.  So now I need to prove her wrong.  Would you, my gentle, smart, funny, well dressed, attractive, amazing, physically fit, and classy readers do me a favor and put in the comments how much you would like her to do a guest post.  I figure if I can get at least 10 comments asking her to guest post then I have enough to make her do it...  Thank you in advance for your help.

So that about wraps up my post.  I have been drinking while writing and I am pretty sure after I set this to post I am off to download some 80's soft rock hits from iTunes...


A Husband's Guide to : TheHusBlog Marriage Matrix

Oh yeah, I created a matrix.  [I am now doing a raise the roof gesture with my hands because of how proud I am].

I was thinking the other day about how much we put into our marriages and how much we get out of them.  Obviously, marriages are dynamic things and sometimes you will get more out than you put in and vice versa.  I thought it would be interesting to label this phenomena.  Then I realized it would be the perfect opportunity to use a matrix, because let's face it, it can be hard to find a use for them.  The grid is broken down by the two metrics : Energy Expected (EE) and Effects Felt (EF).  Each metric is broken down into High, Medium, and Low.

EF : Low
EF : Medium
EF : High
EE : Low
EE : Medium
EE : High

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Let's Breakdown the Matrix Shall We?

"Ah, TheHusBlog..."

Voice in my head I prefer to be called Matrix - Maker Now.

"Yeah, that isn't happening."

Even the voice in my head is not accommodating.

"Yeah.... ah don't you think that is too informal of a TheHusBlog definition pause title?"

Really, you are interrupting me for that?

"Yes, I think it is important.  Do you want to try again?"


TheHusBlog Definition Pause : TheHusBlog Marriage Matrix Defined


"Not really, and did you just use your name twice in one line, you are getting a bit too full of yourself aren't you."

There is just no pleasing you.  Moving on...

  • Disengaged : Not getting much out of the marriage but you aren't putting much in either.  People in this area tend to be very close to divorce.  
  • Disregarded : You are putting in your share of effort but not getting anything in return.  This is usually a temporary situation, most often occurring when the spouse is dealing with a major stress event.  
  • Disgruntled : Now you are getting pissed.  You are doing all the work and getting nothing in return.  This is a dangerous place and often happens with one partner takes advantage of or doesn't appreciate the other.
  • Pleased : All your needs are met and you don't have to do a thing.  This can be a great place to enjoy for a little while but you have to be careful and make sure you are meeting your partners needs or this isn't going to last.
  • Content : I could say so much about content, in fact I think I might do a post specifically dedicated to that word, but in the mean time I will say that content is to be accepting and agreeable to the situation you find yourself in.  You still have wants and desires, however if they are not met you are still a-okay.  At this stage you are getting what you need and putting in what your partner needs.
  • Drained : It was hard to find the right word for this data point, but drained feels right.  You are getting what you need from the relationship but you feel like you are constantly giving of yourself.
  • Euphoric : You could not be any happier.  You are getting everything you could want or need and you don't seem to have to lift a finger in return.  It is wonderful.  This to me, is what young love feels like.  Young, immature love, might I add.
  • Blissful : You are getting way more than you get out and it feels great.  Sure you have some work you have to do, but the rewards are so worth it.
  • Proud : This one was also hard to label, but here you work hard and have much to show for it and gives a sense of pride.  Relationships here are characterized by tough conversations, constant compromise, and hard work.  This would be the couple that fights a lot but also has amazing make up sex...  Exhausting but worth it for some.

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