A Husband's Guide to : Life's Little Truths

I was having a conversation with the wife today driving to Costco about how unfair life can be.  We were talking about hard times some of our family members were going through and it made me think of all kinds of little truths about life and I did not even come close to understanding in my 20's.

Now that I am older and have grey showing up in my hair right at the temples, seriously I am going to look like that guy from The Sopranos in about 3 more weeks, I felt now was the time to document these little truths for posterity.

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Life's Little Truths
  • With regards to customer service: You are NEVER EVER going to get in touch with the person who caused your problem.  More than likely you will have to deal with someone else.  And while a situation has made you angry, you cannot take it out on the person you are dealing with.
  • With regards to the post office:  The service SUCKS.  You are going to lose packages, not get mail, and NEVER get ahold of someone who can actually help you.  This is just a fact and you should resign yourself to problems.
  • With regards to people: Treat everyone the way you would want your mother treated.  Even if you are angry understand that your perspective is not always the the perspective of others.
  • Life is too short to go cheap on three things:
    • Toilette Paper
    • Booze
    • Sheets
  • With regards to money, remember the three T's
    • Tip well (seriously, waiters only make 2.13 an hour)
    • Tithe (or donate money to charity)
    • Thank you is the most important thing you can say, and remember when thanking someone to make eye contact.

Hope you all are having a great week!


A Husband's Guide to : The Marriage Pause

It seems to me that life can move by in two very different intervals.  At times it feels as if the world around us is moving so very fast.  Moments slip through our fingers lost to the winds of time in less time than it takes to blink an eye.

While at other times moments can last ten life times, each heartbeat taking hours to complete while we watch waiting for it to be over.

Long drawn out opening set up -- CHECK
Potent Metaphor Hinting at a deeper meaning -- CHECK
Redundant Checklist -- CHECK

The marriage pause is the moment we married people take to assess a situation and decide what our next action should be.  Typically, ladies have us men beat in this department right out the gate.  Women can take a holistic approach to any situation, whereas men, especially in the early years of a marriage are lucky if they remember to open the car door for our spouses.

That is not to say men cannot learn how to take the marriage pause, it is just our learning curve can be a bit steep.  However we do get the easy ones.  But there are some that require a more advanced degree.

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Marriage Pause Degrees

  • Elementary School : A woman other than our wife asks if we want to have sex.  This is easy we say no (pause would be only as long as it takes us to draw breathe to say NO).  Give us some credit here ladies.
  • Junior High : Pause to compliment wife when she is dressed to the 9's.
  • G.E.D. : Pause to think if the wife needs anything from the store when you go to get something for yourself.
  • High School Diploma : When going to the store pause to ASK the wife if she needs anything.
  • Bachelor's Degree : Taking a moment to really think about the best gift to get the wife for an anniversary or birthday.
  • Master's Degree : Before you invite 10 friends over to watch the game you think if that will bother the wife and if so how you can alleviate her issues.
  • PhD : Thinking about big decisions such as job or living condition and how it will affect your wife before you even contemplate it for yourself.
These are just a few examples that I can think of off the top of my head.  I am sure there are others.


A Husband's Guide to : Surroundings

Right off the bat I want to say I am unsure where the phrase right off the bat came from...

But that is beside the point.

When I talk about surroundings I am less referring to the area in which you live and more referring to the people you choose to have around.  Apparently I need to surround myself with more English Degreed Writers (and apparently capitalization experts as well).

"There is no such thing as 'capitalization experts', dumbass"

Well it appears the critical voice in my head woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

Whenever I think about the people that surround us I am reminded of an early episode of the West Wing.  In an episode of the show, which focuses around a Democratic President, the President watches a Republican Pundit wipe up the floor with one of his aids on a news program and wants to hire her.  When the Pundit is approached by a member of the President's staff she asks why would the President want to hire her.  The answer was, "the President likes to surround himself with smart people who disagree with him."

I always loved that answer.  I love that answer for two reasons.  One it is an admission that just because one feels a certain way about something doesn't mean that is the right position.  And two it places a profound respect on Intelligence, something sorely lacking sometimes.

Most of my really great friends and I don't see eye to eye on some topics.  I love a good debate.  And I also love a good debate with someone who can intelligently defend their position.  It is important for us as married partners to have friends around us to with different opinions so that we can see other perspectives.

Now don't get me wrong, it is okay to have different opinions and perspectives but we also have to be careful to surround ourselves with friends with the same moral compass.  It is never a good idea to be friends with a liar or cheater.

We can sometimes get sucked into the married life.  Surrounding ourself with only our wife and children but it is important to also get that outside perspective.  And that perspective is even further enhanced if, instead of blind agreement, it provides a challenge to conceived notions, feed by robust debate, and tempered with likeminded morals.


ps : Right off the bat is a baseball term, meaning immediately.  It's first incarnation was "hot off the bat".

Things, Married Drinks

When I used to go to bars, alcoholic drinks had such enticing names, Sex on the Beach, Red Headed Slut, Screaming Orgasm, and Mind Eraser...

After a couple years of marriage those drinks don't really seem to be on the menu anymore.  So I give you a list of Post Married Drinks.  These are the names of drinks if they were made up by married people.

  • "Done using the SCREWDRIVER to fix the screen door"
  • "Sex on the Nice Sheets"
  • "Your Ex-Girlfriend was a Red Headed Whore and you know it"
  • "Quiet Orgasm as to not wake the kids"
  • "You vacuumed the living room without having to be told four times"
  • "Got Enough Sleep to Watch the Sunrise (Tequila wasn't involved)"
  • "I remember why I married you"
So maybe my chances of opening a Bar catering to married people is not going to happen but come on, who doesn't want to order a "Sex on the Nice Sheets"?


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