tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33741398939415063862024-03-14T03:09:43.210-05:00The HusBlogThe HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.comBlogger174125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-5092144501915831892014-02-08T23:16:00.001-06:002014-02-08T23:16:40.120-06:00Writing Assignment : A PuppetHello There Gentle Readers, it's me TheHusBlog. Of course who else would it be, it is not like I gave my password away to a rich prince in Nigeria...<br />
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In any case sometimes I do little writing assignments for myself. Usually I give myself a word and see if I can work that into something. A lot of times it allows me to get stuff off of my chest, vent, or it turns into something interesting and whole sharing. The below is something that I wrote when trying to create a post around the word puppet...<br />
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Though this is not my typical fare, I thought it was a worth wild read. Please enjoy.<br />
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-TheHusBlog<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>If it is good enough for child psychologists then it is good enough for me</b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I have a puppet, but more on that later...</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I both love and hate the news. On one side I love to be informed, knowing all the things that are going on in the world gives me a sense that I am a participant of important things. However I also hate the news, mainly because I have become obsessed with the idea that the news is being presented in a way to shape my opinion. No matter where I turn: I think that fox news is making me a gun toting, muslim hating conservative or msnbc is making me a weak willed, weepy, socialist. And cnn is just making me want to watch fox news or msnbc.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">It seems to me that everyone has an agenda. The real question is, was the agenda always there or have I just grown up enough to notice. That thought seems to be a driving force in my life. Am I, growing aware of some nefarious plot that most people don’t notice, or, am I just growing up and seeing the world for what it actually is?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">And while that notion can be enough to keep me awake at night worrying, I really just have one thing to say...</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">“FUCK”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">“THAT”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">“NOISE”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I am not special, I am just a dude, and the fact I have these thoughts probably makes me just like everyone else. Let’s take a minute. The world was either completely fucked or totally fine before I got here, and will be either completely fucked or totally fine after I am gone, and the influence that I wield on a global scale could be compared to ant trying to explain to a human the complexities of quantum mechanics... I have no business trying to solve the world’s problems because, I went to crappy college, I am not old enough to have really lived life and earned the wisdom that comes with it, and finally, because shit dude, I am drunk on a sunday afternoon watching the Mindy Project. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Having a deep thought with no ability to do anything with it is akin to being a guy with no hands trying to masterbate. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">See, I think the reality is that all of us need to get together and decide collectively, to NOT CHANGE THE WORLD. Instead we need to change OUR OWN WORLD. Make your day to day interactions count. Be nice when you want to be mean. Understand your job does not define you. Watch shitty movies. Changing the world is not something that anyone can do. It is something that only EVERYONE can do. But if everyone is trying to change the world individually then nothing gets done and everyone is unfulfilled... Which is basically like my college dating life.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I think we need to do three things as individuals:</span></div>
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<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Realize that we are not special and be okay with being average</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Understand that everything that happens to us is a simple chance to grow, change, or regress</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Act in a way that is nice</span></li>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">In short, just be cool man.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">The whole thing is about being happy in your own little microcosm. And, as is the nature of the human condition, we are prone to do things that fuck it up. We all think things should be this way or that, but that is just us trying to change the world. Fuck the world, seriously, it is going to be what it is with or without us.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Child psychologists use dolls to get children to think about things outside themselves or to help them describe a traumatic event that happened to them by displacing the event outside of themselves. This sometimes works and allows the child to think about an event as happening to someone else instead of them, thus allowing them to be truthful.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Next time you are hurt or angered, use a doll (or puppet) to play that out. And when you are done, if you think the puppet has a real reason to be upset then you are right. However, I honestly think that most of us would think the puppet was just being a whiny bitch and should probably just take a nap...</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I should never write a children’s book...</span></div>
The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com115tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-9773304890453990932014-02-05T20:49:00.001-06:002014-02-05T20:49:28.415-06:00Divorce Diaries : The PlanAfter you accept you are getting a divorce you need, or at least I needed to come up with a plan to be okay. I consulted friends and family and started to cobble together a plan that would help me make it through the next couple of months. I needed to decide what I would focus on and what I would let go of...<br />
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TheHusBlog Definition Pause (Holy Shit I found a way to work this back in, golf clap) : My Divorce Plan<br />
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<li>Take care of my body, work out eat right. During the bad times in the marriage I joined a gym and started working out regularly. I figured it would be a good stress relief. Well after 4 months I had lost like 50 pounds, which was cool. I still had some more to lose and other fitness goals so I decided that I needed to keep working out. Even if I was a wreck emotionally, if I took care of my body I would at least have that.</li>
<li>No Dating for 6 months. I decided that I was not going to date or even consider dating for at least 6 months, I was going to be completely up front about where I was with whomever (whoever?) I dated. And no I do not mean where I live, I mean where I was emotionally.</li>
<li>No Sex Either. Okay so I know that should go with the bullet point above but I made a decision to not seek out a friends with benefits situation either.</li>
<li>Let my friend be their for me. This one was hard for me. I do not accept help, nor am I normally willing to admit when I am hurting, but for this time I decided to be vulnerable with my friends. I assembled a team, let my friends know that I was hurting and what they could do to help me. Each one of them, being amazing and awesome jumped right in.</li>
<li>Journal my thoughts. I wrote a lot down during the pain points of the divorce, some of what started in my journal will make it here.</li>
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So that seems like a good plan right? I though so too. I will write other posts with updates on how well I did or didn't do on my plans. Spoilers, I kind of messed up on some of them...</div>
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I would like to close with some advice, if I may be so bold. If you are going through a divorce right now or recently went through one, my hat goes off to you. I am truly sorry because in many ways a divorce will shake you to your very core. Friends and Family are the only reason I made it through. The team I assembled were the best. Here is a blue print for the team I assembled :</div>
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TheHusBlog Definition Pause : The Divorce Support Force</div>
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<li>Bestie Man(or Woman) : This was my best friend and confidant. I told him everything, called him at odd hours and sometimes vented for hours. Slowly as I called less, he would call more. Calling everyday to check in. He was the rock when the world around me was nothing but rough waters</li>
<li>Wonder Couple : I had an amazing couple that have a great and envious marriage that I spent a lot of time with. It was great to get both a male and female perspective and hanging out with them made me remember that marriage could be amazing.</li>
<li>The Enforcer : This was a female friend who would not let me do something stupid. Any time I needed to be called on my shit, she was there. She was the firm hand that kept me from doing anything too stupid.</li>
<li>The Divorcestress : This was a work mentor of mine who had gone through a very bad divorce many years ago. When I didn't know what I was feeling or felt lost, she was there to talk it through.</li>
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-TheHusBlog</div>
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The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com190tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-53188973117957408212014-02-01T23:36:00.000-06:002014-02-01T23:36:05.619-06:00Divorce Diaries : The DecisionSo when looking at my posting history you will see that as of July last year my wife and I were trying to make a baby. Then you see a post in Jan of this year that we are divorcing. How do you go from trying to start a family to ending any and all connections...<br />
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Well it is easy, first you have to already be on shaky ground, then you just have to accept it.<br />
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The truth is, when I look back on my marriage, really look back on it, I realized that I was not happy. Being a christian, I do not believe in divorce. I committed to good times AND bad. That commitment, was not enough.<br />
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The wife had finished school, she had a good job, we bought a house. We were living the dream. We tried very hard to have a child. When my wife got pregnant I was crazy happy. Then shortly after she miscarried...<br />
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The miscarriage was a starting event to the destruction of our marriage, but it was not the cause. The cause of our divorce was a lack of connection. We grew apart rather than growing together. I sensed the gap widening between us and started to fight to keep us together.<br />
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I suggested marriage retreats, marriage counseling, but the wife would have none of it. She told me that things were not as bad as I made them out to be and that I was overreacting. She said she just needed time...<br />
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Slowly I was evicted from her life. First we started sleeping in separate rooms, then we started hanging out with different friends, then our lives untangled so that she had her life and I had mine. Even as everything was happening I knew it spelt doom for our marriage, but I fought to keep it together. I gave her space, that did not help. I tried to just hang out with her, that did not help. I picked fights to start a real conversation, that did not help.<br />
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Everything I tried did not help. As the marriage broke apart I started throwing up every morning. For 4 months, the stress was so much that each morning I woke up and threw up. It was the worst time in my life.<br />
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Finally, my wife just told me<br />
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"I want a divorce"<br />
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A survival instinct kicked in. Everything became very tactical at that point. We divided things up, amicably. On my part because I felt like she would change her mind. On her part because I think she wanted me to go quietly. <br />
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I am sure I was not without blame in the divorce, but I do feel like I tried everything I could to keep us together. I look at myself in the mirror without regrets, because I did everything I thought I could to keep us married...<br />
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I do not believe in divorce, unfortunately, my wife did...<br />
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-TheHusBlog<br />
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PS : I know this is one of my darker posts, thank you for reading I promise I am okay.The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-63231619550413244112014-01-30T22:44:00.000-06:002014-01-30T22:44:03.162-06:00What's In A Name?So you know, a 2 year or so hiatus, I wonder what has been going on? Well long story short, I got divorced. It seemed hard to write about adventures in marriage when I was in a marriage falling apart and now that I am divorced it would be impossible.<br />
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I love writing it and really enjoyed keeping this blog. I wrestled with just deleting it, but I truly loved some of what I wrote. I am now wrestling with re-purposing it to capture my new adventures. But there in lies the rub(I love getting the chance to say that). My name TheHusBlog, short for the Husband's Blog. But if I change my name, then I would have to change the domain, then there would be all kinds of hassles.<br />
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But what if, instead I just re-purpose my name as well? What if the Hus in TheHusBlog was no longer short for Husband, but instead was an acronym?<br />
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I came up with some options:<br />
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Happily Under Stress<br />
Hopeful, Upbeat, Silly<br />
Heartfelt Urban Sickness(They all can't be winners people)<br />
Hear, Understand, Say<br />
Have Unyielding Soul<br />
Hump Under Stairs?<br />
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I don't know if I will use any of the above. Maybe I will come up with others or maybe I will just say screw it and be TheHusBlog without any care as to what my name implies.<br />
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As always this blog was a place for me to journal my adventures, the marriage is over, but the adventures are not. In fact look forward to all kinds of new topics:<br />
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<li>Dating post divorce (oh that should be interesting)</li>
<li>Living in an apartment complex filled with either Divorced People or 20 somethings that really can't afford to live there</li>
<li>Telling all your friends about your divorce, a how to guide?</li>
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The truth of the matter is this whole experience taught me one thing. I have amazing friends and family. While going through the divorce I was surrounded by the most supportive people anyone could ever ask for. Friends that I had neglected came out of the woodwork to support me. When I was at my lowest, my friends and family were at their best. I would be a broken man without them.</div>
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I am rambling... Let me close by saying I am back. TheHusBlog will be resurrected, I will find a way to respect the past and move to the future. Who knows I might even use my real name...</div>
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<i>Is it Hector?</i></div>
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NO!</div>
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-TheHusBlog</div>
The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-33656234897534295382012-11-07T10:00:00.000-06:002012-11-07T10:00:09.305-06:00A Husband's Guide to : CrestfallenCrestfallen synonyms : depressed, dejected, despondent<br />
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I am crestfallen due to the election. I am crestfallen due to the President being re-elected. I am fundamentally concerned about the direction of this country. <br />
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I normally like to keep this blog focused on marriage but to be honest I am upset about the election so I am going to vent and I promise to return to regularly scheduled topics next post. <br />
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I have been struggling with a post for several months now. The post was on my opinions regarding taxes, specifically, how I feel the country is looking towards those people who do well to contribute more. It is a very hard post for me to write because is centers around how both my wife and I got to where we are now financially. My wife went to school for over 2 years to be a CRNA and during her time focusing on school I focused on my career. During that time we both made HUGE sacrifices, sacrifices that hurt our marriage by driving a wedge between us. We are still recovering from that time, but the benefit is that we now make enough money to realize some dreams. But now with the current political climate, the one benefit that we achieved is at risk. The problem with a post like that is most people will read it and feel like I am complaining about a situation that most people would love to be in. The majority of Americans it seems, would look at me and say, "how dare you complain, you make more than most people, of course you should give more back to the country!" However, I feel like my wife and I made good decisions and sacrificed many things to get where we are today and the idea that we should give a higher percentage of our income to the government because we are successful makes me so angry.<br />
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I do not think the President is a Muslim. I do not think the President is not a US Citizen. I do not think the President is the anti-christ. But I do think the President is wrong on domestic issues. Unemployment increased under President Obama. Our debt increased under President Obama. People on welfare increased under President Obama. All of these facts made me believe that he did not deserve a second term. But what really scared me was what he said to "Joe the plumber" back in 2008. He just wanted to "spread the wealth around." All of that is going to come to fruition in his second term and some of that wealth is coming from me. I do not mind paying my share of taxes, but I do mind being the target of a smear campaign that ensures my success is a reason to take from me. <br />
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I could go on to an exhaustive degree but I will save you, gentle reader from that fate. Instead I thank you for reading, and I will be praying for the President, hoping that his decisions make this country a better place, hoping that we come out of this rough economy and grow back into the super power I know we can be. <br />
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-TheHusBlogThe HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-83074215579347005422012-09-19T10:00:00.000-05:002012-09-19T10:00:12.328-05:00A Husband's Guide to : Life's Little TruthsI was having a conversation with the wife today driving to Costco about how unfair life can be. We were talking about hard times some of our family members were going through and it made me think of all kinds of little truths about life and I did not even come close to understanding in my 20's.<br />
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Now that I am older and have grey showing up in my hair right at the temples, seriously I am going to look like that guy from The Sopranos in about 3 more weeks, I felt now was the time to document these little truths for posterity.</div>
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TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Life's Little Truths</div>
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<li>With regards to customer service: You are NEVER EVER going to get in touch with the person who caused your problem. More than likely you will have to deal with someone else. And while a situation has made you angry, you cannot take it out on the person you are dealing with.</li>
<li>With regards to the post office: The service SUCKS. You are going to lose packages, not get mail, and NEVER get ahold of someone who can actually help you. This is just a fact and you should resign yourself to problems.</li>
<li>With regards to people: Treat everyone the way you would want your mother treated. Even if you are angry understand that your perspective is not always the the perspective of others.</li>
<li>Life is too short to go cheap on three things:</li>
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<li>Toilette Paper</li>
<li>Booze</li>
<li>Sheets</li>
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<li>With regards to money, remember the three T's</li>
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<li>Tip well (seriously, waiters only make 2.13 an hour)</li>
<li>Tithe (or donate money to charity)</li>
<li>Thank you is the most important thing you can say, and remember when thanking someone to make eye contact.</li>
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Hope you all are having a great week!</div>
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-TheHusBlog</div>
The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-34756119239625772962012-09-12T10:00:00.000-05:002012-09-12T10:00:00.477-05:00A Husband's Guide to : The Marriage PauseIt seems to me that life can move by in two very different intervals. At times it feels as if the world around us is moving so very fast. Moments slip through our fingers lost to the winds of time in less time than it takes to blink an eye.<br />
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While at other times moments can last ten life times, each heartbeat taking hours to complete while we watch waiting for it to be over.<br />
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Long drawn out opening set up -- CHECK<br />
Potent Metaphor Hinting at a deeper meaning -- CHECK<br />
Redundant Checklist -- CHECK<br />
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The marriage pause is the moment we married people take to assess a situation and decide what our next action should be. Typically, ladies have us men beat in this department right out the gate. Women can take a holistic approach to any situation, whereas men, especially in the early years of a marriage are lucky if they remember to open the car door for our spouses.<br />
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That is not to say men cannot learn how to take the marriage pause, it is just our learning curve can be a bit steep. However we do get the easy ones. But there are some that require a more advanced degree.<br />
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TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Marriage Pause Degrees<br />
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<li>Elementary School : A woman other than our wife asks if we want to have sex. This is easy we say no (pause would be only as long as it takes us to draw breathe to say NO). Give us some credit here ladies.</li>
<li>Junior High : Pause to compliment wife when she is dressed to the 9's.</li>
<li>G.E.D. : Pause to think if the wife needs anything from the store when you go to get something for yourself.</li>
<li>High School Diploma : When going to the store pause to ASK the wife if she needs anything.</li>
<li>Bachelor's Degree : Taking a moment to really think about the best gift to get the wife for an anniversary or birthday.</li>
<li>Master's Degree : Before you invite 10 friends over to watch the game you think if that will bother the wife and if so how you can alleviate her issues.</li>
<li>PhD : Thinking about big decisions such as job or living condition and how it will affect your wife before you even contemplate it for yourself.</li>
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These are just a few examples that I can think of off the top of my head. I am sure there are others.</div>
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-TheHusBlog</div>
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<br />The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-19986597542594710812012-09-05T10:00:00.000-05:002012-09-05T10:00:06.318-05:00A Husband's Guide to : SurroundingsRight off the bat I want to say I am unsure where the phrase right off the bat came from...<br />
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But that is beside the point.<br />
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When I talk about surroundings I am less referring to the area in which you live and more referring to the people you choose to have around. Apparently I need to surround myself with more English Degreed Writers (and apparently capitalization experts as well).<br />
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<i>"There is no such thing as 'capitalization experts', dumbass"</i><br />
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Well it appears the critical voice in my head woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.<br />
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Whenever I think about the people that surround us I am reminded of an early episode of the West Wing. In an episode of the show, which focuses around a Democratic President, the President watches a Republican Pundit wipe up the floor with one of his aids on a news program and wants to hire her. When the Pundit is approached by a member of the President's staff she asks why would the President want to hire her. The answer was, "the President likes to surround himself with smart people who disagree with him."<br />
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I always loved that answer. I love that answer for two reasons. One it is an admission that just because one feels a certain way about something doesn't mean that is the right position. And two it places a profound respect on Intelligence, something sorely lacking sometimes.<br />
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Most of my really great friends and I don't see eye to eye on some topics. I love a good debate. And I also love a good debate with someone who can intelligently defend their position. It is important for us as married partners to have friends around us to with different opinions so that we can see other perspectives.<br />
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Now don't get me wrong, it is okay to have different opinions and perspectives but we also have to be careful to surround ourselves with friends with the same moral compass. It is never a good idea to be friends with a liar or cheater.<br />
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We can sometimes get sucked into the married life. Surrounding ourself with only our wife and children but it is important to also get that outside perspective. And that perspective is even further enhanced if, instead of blind agreement, it provides a challenge to conceived notions, feed by robust debate, and tempered with likeminded morals.<br />
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-TheHusBlog<br />
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ps : Right off the bat is a baseball term, meaning immediately. It's first incarnation was "hot off the bat".The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-9161288867301603132012-09-01T10:00:00.000-05:002012-09-01T10:00:03.544-05:00Things, Married Drinks<br />
When I used to go to bars, alcoholic drinks had such enticing names, Sex on the Beach, Red Headed Slut, Screaming Orgasm, and Mind Eraser...<div>
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After a couple years of marriage those drinks don't really seem to be on the menu anymore. So I give you a list of Post Married Drinks. These are the names of drinks if they were made up by married people.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<ul>
<li>"Done using the SCREWDRIVER to fix the screen door"</li>
<li>"Sex on the Nice Sheets"</li>
<li>"Your Ex-Girlfriend was a Red Headed Whore and you know it"</li>
<li>"Quiet Orgasm as to not wake the kids"</li>
<li>"You vacuumed the living room without having to be told four times"</li>
<li>"Got Enough Sleep to Watch the Sunrise (Tequila wasn't involved)"</li>
<li>"I remember why I married you"</li>
</ul>
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So maybe my chances of opening a Bar catering to married people is not going to happen but come on, who doesn't want to order a "Sex on the Nice Sheets"?</div>
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-TheHusBlog</div>
The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-14824915382953781392012-08-18T10:00:00.000-05:002012-08-18T10:00:01.548-05:00Because Keggers Give Way to Dinner PartiesI know I have been so off schedule it isn't even funny and I will get back to regularly scheduled programming in the coming weeks but unfortunately I have gotten busy with the most random of things. This week is the wife's Birthday Week. Yes, I said Birthday Week. My family does birthday's big so it could not simply be contained in just one day. In fact my happy ass was up at 7.30am on a Saturday to go get breakfast Tacos for the wifey. Let birthday week begin.<br />
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Tonight we have a romantic dinner scheduled which should be fun.<br />
<br />
But I digress. This post is about the inevitable evolution where everyone loves dinner parties. Okay, maybe not everyone. But in our youth to host a party all you had to do was acquire booze, call people, and then drink. While these were easy and successful affairs age ill affords us the ability to drink with such aplomb.<br />
<br />
But you still want to meet up with friends and have conversation.<br />
<br />
Which leads us to dinner parties. Kegs of domestic beer and vodka in plastic bottles gives way to lamb chops served on a bed of potato leak gratin and a sassy red with fine nose. The topics of conversation evolve as well. From who is dating whom, to who just had a baby and 401Ks. <br />
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Is it the death of youth when one begins to appreciate the finer things in life?<br />
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Nah...<br />
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But seriously, who doesn't love a good dinner party.<br />
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-TheHusBlogThe HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-22941350315208730702012-08-08T10:00:00.000-05:002012-08-08T10:00:06.729-05:00A Husband's Guide to : The 3 C'sMarriage is a partnership, often times it relies on the agreement between two individuals to not only support one another, but to have one another's back should conflict arise. It is hard to be completely fair to someone we see and interact with every day. As the years progress we tend to see more of the flaws than the successes...<br />
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In order to really enjoy and support your partner you have to remember the the three C's. Compliment, Congratulate, and Critique. By the way it is in that order...<br />
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TheHusBlog Definition Pause : The Three C's<br />
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<ul>
<li>Compliment. If you spouse looks wonderful, then tell them so. Make sure you are genuine in your compliment. We so often take for granted the amazing things our spouse does everyday. It can be a challenge to step outside of ourselves to realize how lucky we are to have our partners.</li>
<li>Congratulate. It is important to celebrate the successes of our partners. Whether it is completing a program of some kind, getting a promotion, or saving the life of a foreign dignitary. Successes should be enjoyed because they are what lifts us up.</li>
<li>Critique. Certainly there are times when we are hurt, bothered, or even offended by our spouses behavior. In those instances you will have to have a conversation with them about how you perceived the situation and how they perceived it. These conversations should always be fact based, with no name calling, and of course constructive.</li>
</ul>
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(You need to understand that the part above was written a few days before the part below. That will hopefully explain the change in tone. You see I was re-reading this and while I agree with the points above it is not anything that a thousand "relationship experts" have thought about and written about. I would go as far as to say it is a little boring)</div>
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TheHusBlog Definition Pause : The Three F's (Yeah, its going down like this)</div>
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<ul>
<li>Fake Excitement : I am really a homebody. I like just chilling at home, making some dinner and enjoying a quiet evening. My wife on the other hand loves going out. Most of the time I am agreeable to going out but there are a few random occasions I choose to fake some serious excitement. I do this so that the wife doesn't always feel she is going out with a Sour Sam or a Negative Nick.</li>
<li>Forget Fights : The real key to the success of any relationship is to let go of anger. It is never fair to have an argument and then continuously bring it up any chance you get. If we have a fight, after it is over I do my best to forget it ever happened.</li>
<li>Fuck With Her : As we men basically hit the zenith of our maturity at around age 7 I still love to mess with my wife. Whether it is trying to mess with her while she is reading a book, or pulling her back down on the bed 10 times while she is trying to get up I cannot help it. </li>
</ul>
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So as you can see I have presented two different lists of helpful hints. The first a boring but mature method of supporting your partner. The other a more interesting way to look at things. Choose one, choose both, or do your own thing. And too be honest you know option three is the best...</div>
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-TheHusBlog</div>The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-23479197359512983752012-08-01T10:00:00.000-05:002012-08-01T10:00:05.370-05:00Things : Pre-Marriage QuestionsBefore my wife and I got married we bought a book called "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married."<br />
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Our exploration of this book started as a lark(yeah I just used lark in a sentence, jealous?) but soon became a very serious endeavor. It served as a great spring board for exploring topics that we didn't think of or were scared to dive into. However in reflecting on this book I have thought of a few questions that were not covered that I think every engaged couple should explore before walking down the aisle.<br />
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Things that you should ask before marriage:<br />
<br />
Zombie Section<br />
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<ul>
<li>If we had two weapons, a crossbow and a machete, which weapon would you want me to use and which weapon would you want to use?</li>
<li>I am turned into a Zombie, do you:</li>
<ul>
<li>Capture me, and search the earth for a cure</li>
<li>Shoot me in the head immediately because you know I would not want to be a zombie</li>
<li>Let me bite you so we can be zombies together</li>
<li>Run away screaming screw you, I'm dating your sister(or brother) now</li>
</ul>
<li>Would you be willing to kill our human neighbors for their food so we can survive, because after all he seems to take good care of his family. I mean why can't you get a promotion at work. And have you seen her new car...</li>
<li>How much pre zombie war stock piling is too much?</li>
</ul>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Reality TV Show Possibilities Section</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>What would be the name of a reality tv show that follows our life?</li>
<li>What type of facial hair would you(or like me to) grow for a Television show:</li>
<ul>
<li>Thin chin strap beard</li>
<li>Full beard</li>
<li>Mustache only, but definitely a handlebar</li>
<li>Something modeled from the people on The Hunger Games</li>
</ul>
<li>Who would you rather us be friends with :</li>
<ul>
<li>A slightly alcoholic couple who are very kind</li>
<li>A mildly alcoholic couple who are funny</li>
<li>An alcoholic couple who are rich</li>
<li>An extremely alcoholic couple who are crazy rich</li>
</ul>
<li>If only one of us could spend the money made on our reality tv show who should spend the money and what should it be spent on?</li>
</ul>
<div>
Let's Play Pretend Section</div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>If we had to divorce and go into an arranged marriage with other partners would you want me to pick your new spouse?</li>
<li>If we had to divorce and go into an arranged marriage with other partners would you want to pick my new spouse?</li>
<li>If you die can I marry one of your friends, if so, do you have someone in mind?</li>
<li>What would you rather give up, your cell phone for 1 year or our wedding album forever?</li>
<li>If I murdered someone would you remarry before or after I was executed?</li>
<li>Would you rather open a restaurant or a clothing store with me?</li>
<li>Who would you rather go to for advice, me or my parents?</li>
</ul>
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</div>
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-TheHusBlog</div>
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UPDATED : For extra fun I have made my wife answer each question. </div>
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<div>
Zombie Section<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>If we had two weapons, a crossbow and a machete, which weapon would you want me to use and which weapon would you want to use? <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : Crossbow because I don't think your accuracy would be as good as mine and I don't think I have the arm strength to use a machete.</span></li>
<li>I am turned into a Zombie, do you:</li>
<ul>
<li>Capture me, and search the earth for a cure</li>
<li>Shoot me in the head immediately because you know I would not want to be a zombie. <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : Fuck you dude, shoot you in the head, everyone knows there is no cure.</span></li>
<li>Let me bite you so we can be zombies together</li>
<li>Run away screaming screw you, I'm dating your sister(or brother) now</li>
</ul>
<li>Would you be willing to kill our human neighbors for their food so we can survive, because after all he seems to take good care of his family. I mean why can't you get a promotion at work. And have you seen her new car... <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife: Is this in a zombie scenario again. No, no, no.</span></li>
<li>How much pre zombie war stock piling is too much? <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : Her head cocked to the side, "Really?"</span></li>
</ul>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Reality TV Show Possibilities Section</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>What would be the name of a reality tv show that follows our life? <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife: Can I come back to that one?</span></li>
<li>What type of facial hair would you(or like me to) grow for a Television show:</li>
<ul>
<li>Thin chin strap beard. <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : Chip strap beard with a sigh, wait a minute can I amend that to chops.</span></li>
<li>Full beard</li>
<li>Mustache only, but definitely a handlebar</li>
<li>Something modeled from the people on The Hunger Games</li>
</ul>
<li>Who would you rather us be friends with :</li>
<ul>
<li>A slightly alcoholic couple who are very kind</li>
<li>A mildly alcoholic couple who are funny. <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : The funny people.</span></li>
<li>An alcoholic couple who are rich</li>
<li>An extremely alcoholic couple who are crazy rich</li>
</ul>
<li>If only one of us could spend the money made on our reality tv show who should spend the money and what should it be spent on? <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : I would spend the money. Savings and homes and stuff.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
Let's Play Pretend Section</div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>If we had to divorce and go into an arranged marriage with other partners would you want me to pick your new spouse? <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : No, then more energetic, NO</span></li>
<li>If we had to divorce and go into an arranged marriage with other partners would you want to pick my new spouse? <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : No</span></li>
<li>If you die can I marry one of your friends, if so, do you have someone in mind? <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : Yes to the first question and no to the second.</span></li>
<li>What would you rather give up, your cell phone for 1 year or our wedding album forever? <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : That's not fair, fuck it, I would give up the pictures.</span></li>
<li>If I murdered someone would you remarry before or after I was executed? <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : After</span></li>
<li>Would you rather open a restaurant or a clothing store with me? <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : Restaurant... Well... Restaurant, but this time in a much quieter voice.</span></li>
<li>Who would you rather go to for advice, me or my parents? <span style="background-color: lime;">Wife : depends on what the advice is about. </span></li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-57176047550096405052012-07-28T10:00:00.000-05:002012-07-28T10:00:11.607-05:00A Husband's Guide to : Is Your Marriage a Brand or a Product?My wife and I went out with my family the other night and my father, brother, and I started to have an interesting conversation around the concept of a brand and product as well as what their life cycles entail. (I know, I know, dinner with my family sounds incredibly exciting)<br />
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We started by talking about how long a brand really stays around. At first we named really recent companies and brands but soon the conversation lead to stronger brands that have endured the test of time. Brands like General Motors, NBC, and Clorox. Then we started thinking about products and how what each brand produced changed over time. GM's cars have evolved over time, NBC started as a radio company and moved to TV and Clorox has made many different kinds of bleach.<br />
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I then started to think about this concept of a brand versus a product and how it relates to a marriage. You know what there is something I haven't done in a while that I really need to do:<br />
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<i>"Tell us your real name?"</i><br />
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No voice in my head, keep it down.<br />
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<i>"Just checking."</i><br />
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No, I need to do a...<br />
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TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Brands Vs. Products<br />
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<ul>
<li>A Brand : Encompasses an ideal or concept. It means more than just a simple utility or item. A brand has staying power.</li>
<li>A Product : Solves only a few problems and is finite in it's application.</li>
<li>A Brand : Has an identity and an intrinsic value, when the brand is named it means something.</li>
<li>A Product : Has a concrete value associated to it's specific use.</li>
</ul>
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So keeping all this mind how do you think of your marriage? Do you think of it in terms of Brand or a Product. Do you and your spouse move through each day trying to accomplish one specific task or do you have something more complex in mind. Are you just a couple who live together, or do you both have similar values and ideals that when combined create a lasting impression on the world around you?</div>
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-TheHusBlog</div>The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-73573492538930620992012-07-25T10:00:00.000-05:002012-07-25T10:00:02.852-05:00Because I Would Not Stop for the Flu, It Kindly Stopped for MeHello my good and faithful followers (I will totally forgive you if you are neither good nor faithful).<br />
<br />
I have missed a week's worth of posts and that is mainly due to me being good and truly sidelined by what I am calling a "summer flu". It started early last week and left me down for the count up until around Sunday. I am still working on my post about how I feel about taxes however after the wife gave it a read I have decided to make some changes or perhaps even re-write the whole thing but I swear that is coming.<br />
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Rather than trying to fit a guide into this post I am going to leave you with some things that I learned while dealing with the "summer flu":<br />
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Mad Men is an okay show : I could only muster about an two hours awake at a time and while I was awake I watched tv. Many people have told me that Mad Men was not to be missed so I called upon the Netflix queue and watched the first season. It is not the greatest show in the world by any means but it is pretty decent.<br />
<br />
Cats know when you are sick : My cat would keep watch over me in my awful condition and would be loving and caring. However, feeding time is still feeding time and she was pissed if I did not get my butt up to provide a new can of cat food, she has after all, grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle.<br />
<br />
You really notice where you "missed a spot" when sick : Because when nauseous you can't really move your head more than a couple millimeters at a time without hurling you really notice the places where you missed a spot cleaning your place. I like to think I keep a clean apartment, but to be honest, after staring at the legs of my couch for 3 minutes I really need to clean more thoroughly.<br />
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You can lose 10 pounds in just 3 days : But you do not need any fancy diets or pills. Just a horrid flu. I am still weak and tired but I will be damned, my pants fit better. You know silver lining and all...<br />
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Thank you for bearing with me while I was down for the count and I promise a better post on saturday!<br />
<br />
-TheHusBlogThe HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-53590172270320338362012-07-14T10:00:00.000-05:002012-07-14T10:00:09.304-05:00A Husband's Guide to : DangerI usually begin thinking about my Saturday blog post on the drive home from work on Friday. This friday I found myself thinking about how silly some words sound singular vs. plural based on their common usage and then I found that STDs were the funniest category:<br />
<br />
Herpes becomes Herpe (I got a Herpe)<br />
Crabs becomes Crab (I gots a case of Crab, which taken out of context would sound delicious)<br />
Syphilis becomes Syphili (Which sounds like the name of the next generation operating system for Windows. Windows Syphili, faster than Vista, more powerful that XP)<br />
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I have no idea why I found this so funny, nor did I think it would be enough for an entire blog post but you know how I like to share. So instead of trying to stretch out that concept I am moving on to danger.<br />
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(Dramatic Music)<br />
<br />
The thought danger occurred to me today while drinking alcohol in my boss's office. I guess I should first explain how I got there.<br />
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During a meeting my boss, myself, and some co-workers where talking about our weekend plans. Someone mentioned that they just wanted a stiff drink and 12 hours of sleep. I work in marketing and as such we work long hours. We all started talking about our favorite "adult beverages" and one person mentioned that Jack Daniel's has a new Honey Bourbon Liquor out. My boss immediately was excited, she is fan of bourbon. I offered to make a trip to the "Adult Candy Store" during lunch and acquire Honey Jack Daniels if everyone agreed to have a drink together at the end of the day. Yeah, that was a real arm twister, let me tell you.<br />
<br />
So at the end of the day we all gathered in my Boss's office with styrofoam cups. As the Honey Bourbon was poured we each took our first tentative sip. Then another, then another... Damn it was tasty. It had a smooth bourbon taste with the sweetness of honey, it was warm going down but after the ice in our cups melted just a little it was perfect. My boss then mentioned, "this stuff is dangerous."<br />
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And she was right.<br />
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The Jack Daniels Honey Bourbon had a delicious taste but if you weren't careful you would just drink one glass after another and before you knew it you would be "Tore up from the floor up." Which then got me to thinking what other dangerous things could be lurking in our lives and because this is a marriage blog... our marriage.<br />
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TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Dangerous Things<br />
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<ul>
<li>Dates : As we get busy in our lives it is easy to over look milestones that should be celebrated. It starts when you forget your first kiss, of miss an anniversary because of being busy. Even if you both do it, it still represents danger. Your relationship should always be top of mind and milestones should be acknowledged and celebrated in whatever way you like. Maybe it is not a fancy night out for dinner, but it should be honored in some way.</li>
<li>Assumptions : As we grow with our partner sometimes we are sure we know how the other will react. This is always dangerous, especially if you predict it will be fine when it isn't.</li>
<li>Taking for Granted : We are all guilty of taking our loved ones for granted. It is a constant struggle to say thank you and appreciate the little things, especially when you have grown accustomed to them. The two most powerful words in the world are "Thank you." They convey an appreciation that can mean the world to someone else.</li>
</ul>
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The danger is looking at your spouse with "old eyes." Sometimes the best thing to do is treat your spouse like they are new to you. I don't mean forgetting their name either... It is about the little moments when you are still surprised by one another. It is about treating the 15th anniversary with the same excitement as the first. </div>
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-TheHusBlog</div>The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-62626924681890878992012-07-11T10:00:00.000-05:002012-07-11T10:00:02.034-05:00And That's When I Realized Bagels Are Not Appropriate Wedding GiftsOkay, let me be honest here, that title has nothing to do with what I am going to write here. It just sounded funny in my head. I have no idea why I thought of a sentence like that but hey I am just going to go with it.<br />
<br />
I have been working on a post about Taxes and how I feel about them, however it is an exceeding long post, lacking humor and might in some small way make me seem like a douche-bag. So until I can de-douche that post, or over-douche it(I believe in extremes) I cannot post it.<br />
<br />
Instead I will share with you my super power. Super Delayed Hearing! (Insert powerful trumpet music here). Now you might be thinking, "what in the fuck is super delayed hearing?" I have bad hearing in general, it might have set in at an early age having to do with getting tubes in my ears or it might just be a malady passed on by my father, in any case I suck at hearing.<br />
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However, I think part of my brain has come to compensate for that fact and if I hear something I do not understand my brain seems to take what it heard and begin a process where is tries to make sense of the sounds I have heard. This process can sometimes take a few seconds but more often than I not I come away with what was said. Now if I could just keep my mouth shut for the seconds it takes to process this information I would be fine, however I instinctively say "huh?"<br />
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My wife is a woman of extremes as well. I describe her as going from def-con 0 to def-con 27 in a heartbeat. This is not to say she is mean or hits me or anything but if she says something in a normal voice and say "huh?" rather than increasing her volume to the appropriate level, he goes into full on hearing aid failing volume.<br />
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This results in her saying "Can you pee in <blank> water <blank> purple haze"<br />
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Then me saying, "huh?"<br />
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Mental processing complete, oh empty the dishwasher.
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Then her yelling "Can you empty the dishwasher please"<br />
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Okay, okay, it might not be a super power. Actually now that I think about it, it might be a weakness. Damn, you public education system for falsely boosting my self esteem. (Shaking fist at sky)<br />
<br />
Unfortunately now I am having a hard time ending this post... Oh wait, how about it:<br />
<br />
...And then I found 5 dollars.<br />
<br />
Nailed It<br />
<br />
-TheHusBlog<br />
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<br />The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-3135732323220669282012-07-07T10:00:00.000-05:002012-07-07T10:00:07.274-05:00A Husband's Guide to : The Present ClosetMy mother is a hostess like none other. If a soiree (really, that's how you spell that?) is to be thrown my mother is the queen of presentation. She can make anything seem fancy. I marvel at her seemingly endless collection of serving dishes (some handed down from generations gone by, others bought at JC Penny). I mention this to frame my mother's ability to be prepared. She is kind of like a Social Etiquette Girl Scout. <br />
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During my teenage years, when my ability to prepare for anything other than sleep or video games was non-existent, my mother always had anything I needed in the Present Closet. The present closet had cards for any occasion, all manor of wrapping paper, gift bags, and of course all kinds of little knick-knacks and gifts. The present closet saved me so many times it is hard to count.<br />
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Now as I have grown up I have started my own present closet. If I see something the wife might want I just buy it and keep it in the present closet. If I see a good gift for my brother, I just buy it and put it in the present closet. If I receive a package of something I ordered on Amazon that I don't remember ordering because I was drinking near the internet then I just put it in the gift closet.<br />
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The results of this process means that at any given time I am ready to provide a gift at a moment's notice and it has saved me time and time again. Didn't have time to go shopping for a friend's present, not to worry already had it in the gift closet. Need a last minute host gift so that I can look like the best guest at a friend's dinner party, not to worry have it in the gift closet. Wife gets mad at me for snoring, give her a gift from the gift closet. About the only problem it won't solve is if a wild badger gets set loose in the apartment, but let's be honest, that only happens once a year right?<br />
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The gift closet is one of those little tricks that has helped me be more prepared. I really enjoy shopping for friends and with the closet I can do it year round so holidays don't creep up on me. Plus I am always on the look out for stuff the wife might like so that when her birthday comes up everything is handled.<br />
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-TheHusBlog<br />
<br />The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-90594757891489850772012-07-04T10:00:00.000-05:002012-07-04T10:00:04.425-05:00A Husband's Guide to : Mommy BloggersSo when I first started to write this blog a friend of mine recommended I do research on other blogs to find out what I thought was good writing and inspiration. Keep in mind that my wife and I do not have kids yet. <div>
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So I spent weeks scouring the internet looking for good writing to act as both an inspiration and a level set for my own writing and content. I set about this blog writing for myself, however I also wanted to ensure that what I wrote about was funny, insightful, or at the very least readable. </div>
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Husband blogs are few and far between but I found a few worth following. But interestingly enough, I found that more often than not I was following "Mommy Blogs." This struck me as odd because I do not have kids but for some reason the honest, and inherently sarcastic tone that most "Mommy Blogs" have struck a chord with me. Sure enough I follow some interestingly informative marriage blogs, and hilarious single blogs, but I keep coming back to "Mommy Blogs".</div>
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The internet is this amazing thing that allows for people in all sorts of situations to share their own hopes, fears, thoughts, opinions, and musings with the world. I am a six foot one, gun toting, rum swilling, swear machine that follows a bunch of mommies and I would not have it any other way.</div>
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Mommy Bloggers I salute you. Your content is entertaining and bold, your opinions honest and fair. I will keep reading as long as you keep writing.</div>
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-TheHusBlog</div>
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<br /></div>The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-12068621691529549362012-06-27T10:00:00.000-05:002012-06-27T10:00:00.351-05:00Arch-Nemesis : Cast Iron SkilletI have a new arch enemy. Sure it is an inanimate object, but that doesn't make me crazy at all I swear. My wife and I both cook and clean so there is no division of labor when it comes to those chores. About a week ago my wife made some delicious chicken in our new 20 dollar cast iron skillet. My wife tends to cook with high heat (there are so many puns/innuendos I could put there but I choose to control myself) and as such the skillet got some caked on stuff. "Not to worry, I told her, I will clean it up."<br />
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Phase 1 : Soak over night<br />
I set the skillet aside in some hot soapy water, sure that the next morning it would come off with ease.<br />
SCORE : Skillet 1, TheHusBlog 0<br />
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Phase 2 : Soak overnight in soap only, no water then go at it with green scrubby sponge<br />
Some stuff started to free itself from it's skillet bonds but alas more work needed to be done.<br />
SCORE : Skillet 2, TheHusBlog 0
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Phase 3 : SOS Pads<br />
First off this did get even more stuff off but it also got all kinds of weird blue/grey SOS soap under my nails. Had to take a break to cut my nails.<br />
SCORE : Skillet 3, TheHusBlog 0<br />
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Halftime Break, it is at this point I should point out that the skillet was only 20 dollars and I had worked on it for three days. So, while it would have been easier to just buy a new skillet I was not going to quit.<br />
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Phase 4 : Steal Wool<br />
Now we are talking. The scrubbing with the steal wool started to do some real damage to the caked on stuff and the tide was turning.<br />
SCORE : Skillet 3, TheHusBlog 1<br />
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Phase 5 : Copper Coated Steal Wool<br />
Even more progress now, in fact I thought this was going to be the end game but still some pieces hung on for dear life.<br />
SCORE : Skillet 3, TheHusBlog 2<br />
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Phase 6 : Knife<br />
Now I went at this thing with the blunt end of a knife, forcefully and purposefully (can't believe those are both words) scraping the last of it.<br />
SCORE : Skillet 3, TheHusBlog 3<br />
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So over the course of several days I probably spent around 3 hours cleaning a 20 dollar pan. Sure I could have probably bought a new one and saved the trouble but TheHusBlog is not a quitter!<br />
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Well played Skillet, I am sure we will meet again...<br />
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-TheHusBlogThe HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-40337648363073864822012-06-23T10:00:00.000-05:002012-06-23T10:00:03.168-05:00A Husband's Guide to : ExhaustionIn the past 2 days I have gotten a total of 3 hours of sleep. You might now be asking yourself, "Then why is TheHusBlog writing a blog post rather than sleeping," or "Maybe is name is Jesse?" First off I am writing this post because I am dedicated to this blog and I had something very interesting happen that I want to document. <div>
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Working in a technology production support environment sometimes means that things go wrong and you cannot leave until they are fixed. That situation cropped up on Thursday. I started work at 7.00am Thursday morning and I did not leave work until 6.00am Friday morning. Unfortunately, me and my team still had a bunch of work to do on Friday so we all went home, slept until 9.00 am and started work again (from home). There is the three hours. </div>
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Some people get cranky when they are tired, I get goofy. I tend to crack stupid jokes and laugh myself silly. But the other thing that happens is sub-consciously all the energy I use to worry about things, over think situations, and plan my every action gets redirected to critical thinking and making sure I walk without hitting walls. </div>
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The result of this energy shift is that I go from being a Type-A need to be in control person to a Type-B go with the flow cause it could be cool person. So when I finished up with work the wife asked me if I wanted to see a movie. I said yes without thinking about the pros and cons or worrying about if there was even a movie that I wanted to see. Then we tried a new restaurant, did some shopping at the mall and then some grocery shopping. All of these activities I just agreed to because we were already having a good time. Now I am completely exhausted write (so exhausted I am using puns without realizing it) now as I write this but I wanted to capture the effects of that exhaustion.</div>
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TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Things I Normally Think of That I Don't When I am Exhausted</div>
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<ul>
<li>Is this going to be a hassle?</li>
<li>What am I going to get out of this?</li>
<li>But I want to do what I want to do?</li>
<li>I don't think this is going to be fun?</li>
<li>What time will we get home?</li>
<li>How much is this going to cost?</li>
<li>Can we afford this?</li>
</ul>
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I am not saying you need to get to exhaustion to make your spouse happy, or that you should never ask the above questions. Instead I am just pointing out that going with the flow is good for your marriage. Sure sometimes it is important to take control and take care of yourself. But not all the time. </div>
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Sometimes just going with the flow is best thing for you and your spouse.</div>
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-TheHusBlog, now I am going to set this to post and get some sleep.</div>The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-90871578215826488562012-06-20T10:00:00.000-05:002012-06-20T10:00:10.769-05:00A Husband's Guide to : What to Not Care AboutMany years ago I was a psychology major in college. That is not what I ended up as but it was a start. I was intensely interested in the reasons why people feel the way they do and how the environment can shape that. As a result I often sat in many a community college psychology class. During one of my classes the professor brought in a recording he had made of a 20/20 (I think?) broadcast on a group of psychologists studying married couples over a period of like 10 years.<br />
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What stuck with me was the claim one of the psychologists made. He claimed he could determine how long a couple would stay married after interviewing them. As the program went on this psychologist spoke about his theory which was interlaced with scenes of various couples talking about their marriage. The greatest predictor was that once the couple stopped fighting and said "I don't care" it was over. I don't mean to say this is a "do whatever makes you happy and I will support it I don't care," what he was talking about was the exasperated, exhausted "fuck it, I just don't care." The news segment ended with one of the couples that had been featured talking about a conflict they were having about where to move. You could tell it was over by the end of their exchange... The wife said, "I don't care." The scene cut to the newsman talking to the psychologist and he said, based on what I have seen, I give them 5 years before divorce.<br />
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Now hold that thought for a minute.<br />
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Recently I was watching another program and a divorce attorney was being interviewed. The divorce attorney said his biggest enemy was not the other side but often his own clients. He said that after long legal battles one side just usually gives up. Stops fighting for anything and just says "I don't care." The lawyer went on to explain that it is at this point that his client loses. Rather than fighting for what he/she wants or deserves he/she just wants it to be over. <br />
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So if there is anything we can take away from the two above items is that "I don't care" can be incredibly damaging. This is not to say that everything has to be a fight, but you have to be willing to stand up for what you believe in... And you have to be patient when presenting your point to your spouse.<br />
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There are so many things to care about, but there are just as many that we shouldn't. To many times we get them confused. In fact I bet if you really looked back on your past couple fights with your spouse by the time the fight was over it had nothing to do with what started it.<br />
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Save your energy for the things that really matter. That way when the big stuff comes up you won't be too exhausted to deal with it. Let go of the little things and move forward and I think you will find being unburdened with the resentment of missing the first two previews because the spouse was late to leave for the movies will make you a better person. And more importantly, I am sure the preview is online anyway.<br />
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-TheHusBlogThe HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-18070292968945492162012-06-16T10:00:00.000-05:002012-06-16T10:00:01.194-05:00Comments, Shout Outs, and a Fun New GameHello Internets!<br />
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Yeah I just made internet plural on purpose... What are you going to do about it? Nothing! Yeah that's right I am a digital badass.<br />
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Sorry about the above sentences I get a little grandiose when I have been drinking, which for those you playing along with the home game, means I am two drinks ahead. And I am probably 2 more drinks away from buying Steve Winwood's Greatest Hits on iTunes. (Loyal readers know what's up).<br />
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As you can tell by my the title I have several topics to cover. First off is comments. A couple other bloggers sent me emails this week letting me know of comment issues. It appears that blogger has made it difficult to leave comments and I wanted to change that. I have altered some settings which should make you able to leave comments now. I have loosened up the requirements enough that I am betting some bots will be able to leave comments as well, but I assure you I will make the best of it. (So going to flame my own comments if bot comments start to pop up)<br />
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Secondly I want to give shout outs to the kind bloggers who sent me an email letting me know my comments were jacked up.<br />
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Andrea at <a href="http://andrea-maybeitsjustme.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Maybe It's Just Me</a>, which is very funny and insightful, never preachy, and makes you feel at home.<br />
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Bailey.m.t at <a href="http://nerdyshinypointythings.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Nerdy Shiny Pointy Things</a>, which is probably the greatest blog title ever.<br />
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Thirdly my Fun New Game. There are several words I use every now and again that often get the weird head turn and a "huh". So I am going to list these words with two possible definitions. One is the real definition and the other is a made up one. Read and see if you can guess which one is right. And if you want to know the right answer just google it!<br />
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Haberdashery<br />
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<ul>
<li>A store that sells clothing and personal items.</li>
<li>Running quickly around your friend Haber, forcing him to pay your dinner bill.</li>
</ul>
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Quixotic</div>
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<ul>
<li>Having a condition that causes one to pass gas of an exotic variety, often smelling like the Quix Flower of Eastern Yemen.</li>
<li>A chivalrous, but foolish action.</li>
</ul>
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Convocation</div>
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<ul>
<li>A condition of discontent, associated with choosing a profession of ill repute.</li>
<li>An assembly or gathering of people.</li>
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Canonical</div>
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<ul>
<li>According to or ordered by Cannon Law of the Church.</li>
<li>According to or ordered by Cannon Law of the Union of Cannon Fired Circus People.</li>
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-TheHusBlog</div>
</div>The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-62529136402783818202012-06-13T10:00:00.000-05:002012-06-13T10:00:02.134-05:00A Husband's Guide to : What Interviewing for a Job Can Teach Us About Our MarriageAs a ubiquitous middle manager at a Marketing company I do a lot of interviewing. Recently people have noticed that I seem to have a knack for finding the right candidates and rejecting the wrong ones. In fact the past couple that have been hired against my suggestion have been so bad that people now will not hire a candidate without my approval. <br />
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During a recent round of interviews I was going over my methodology with a colleague and explaining how I decide on candidates. My process involves three main steps :<br />
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TheHusBlog Definition Pause : My Interview Caveats<br />
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<ul>
<li>Get them comfortable. I believe I have a much higher chance of getting honest answers if the candidate is at ease. I crack jokes, sit casually, and make sure they don't need anything like a beverage.</li>
<li>Vary between experience and attitude questions. No one wants to sit through an interview with a hundred "Tell me about a time when you..." questions. At the same getting a million "Tell me why we should hire you" questions can also be off putting. I like to vary asking a couple experience questions and them some attitude opinion questions. One of my current favorites is tell me what your biggest professional pet peeve is?</li>
<li>Pay Fucking Attention! Here is the key to my success. I listen to what they are saying and because I have made them comfortable and asked the right questions I get to pick up on all the things they might try to hide or don't want me to know. If a candidate, when asked about a difficult project, spends more time talking about the barriers he faced because of other people that candidate is most likely a victim and not proactive. If a candidate, when asked about a task he did not enjoy, talks about it being beneath him, then he has a chip on his shoulder and is not willing to pay his dues. Or, if a candidate, when asked about a professional mistake in his past cannot think of one, then he is not someone who is able to view himself objectively.</li>
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I know what you are thinking, what does this have to do with marriage?</div>
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Actually it has a lot to do with marriage. We must use the same techniques in interviewing as we do with our spouses. Not because we want to trip them up, but because we want them comfortable enough to answer our questions honestly. Sometimes marriage discussions can be tough and if we do not take the time to make our partner comfortable, ask the right questions, and pay attention we might miss out on something.</div>
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If you are a newlywed you might be thinking, that will never happen with me and my sweetie, we tell each other everything. If that is true, awesome. But the fact of the matter is as time goes on in a marriage it can get harder and harder to share your true feelings. You might not be willing to admit something, you might want to spare your partner's feelings, or you might even want to have more time to process something you are feeling. But in order to have a great marriage you have to be willing to have the hard conversations as well. </div>
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Conversations about finances, when to have kids, sexual concerns, and extended family issues can create a very tense situation. But if you take the time to put one another at ease, ask the right questions and really pay attention you can have a meaningful and fruitful dialogue.</div>
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-TheHusBlog</div>The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-86620623213846183192012-06-09T10:00:00.000-05:002012-06-09T10:00:07.951-05:00A Husband's Guide to : Redefining AcronymsFirst off, I think I spelled acronyms wrong in the title of this blog post but I am blazing through that for two reasons. One, spelling has never been my strong suit, and two, I have been drinking. <br />
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(Think of a good segue here)<br />
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So, with the influx of technology, the written word is becoming a hybrid of communication, emotion, and connection. In the past, the written word could move people to great action, convey the sincerest of condolence, and challenge conventional wisdom. However with the creation of texting and social media the written word is being thrown around as casually as (insert non-offensive metaphor here). We, as an online society have chosen brevity over thoughtfulness, and convention over personalization. We have created terms that almost everyone understands now, like LOL or BRB. But these things could change on a whim. What would happen if all the acronyms that we use daily all of sudden meant something else. Then we as a society would have to *gasp* write out whole words.<br />
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TheHusBlog Definition Pause : New Acronyms...<br />
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<ul>
<li>LOL used to mean Laugh Out Loud. But now "Like Otters Loser". Used to tell people that even though what they said was good, if they do not enjoy otters they will be losers. </li>
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<li>JIMMY : And that is when I fell over the keg because I drank too much to do a keg stand.</li>
<li>BOBBY : LOL</li>
<li>JIMMY : You are right that was dumb, I will be sure to respect Otters in the future, good looking out man.</li>
</ul>
<li>LMAO used to mean Laughing My Ass Off. But now "Listen Man, Actual Orders". Used to tell people how serious their plans were.</li>
<ul>
<li>HECTOR : And that is when I found out my 6 year old wasn't actually mine.</li>
<li>VICK : LMAO</li>
<li>HECTOR : Yeah man, of course I am going respect the court's decision.</li>
</ul>
<li>BRB used to mean Be Right Back. But now "Bring Rectum Bandages". Used to tell your friends when you are in a world of hurt.</li>
<ul>
<li>KEN : I am about to bang that German Girl with the huge biceps... BRB</li>
<li>GREG : You know she is a dude right????!!!!!!</li>
<li>KEN : Duh. That is why I said BRB</li>
</ul>
<li>JK used to mean Just Kidding. But now "Just Killing". Used to tell your friends when you are engaged in homicide.</li>
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<li>CATHY : About to deal with that bitch who slept with my boyfriend... JK</li>
<li>MISSY : JK?</li>
<li>CATHY : There sure is a lot of blood, do you have a mop handy?</li>
<li>MISSY : LOL</li>
<li>CATHY : Of course I like otters, what am I a crazy person?</li>
</ul>
<li>YMMV used to mean Your Mileage May Very. But now "You maybe missed, Vader".</li>
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<li>STORMTROPPER : The rebels are getting away YMMV.</li>
<li>DARTH VADER : ...</li>
<li>STORMTROPPER : <gasp> <gurgle> <gasp></li>
</ul>
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-TheHusBlog</div>The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3374139893941506386.post-71670669575280342912012-06-05T20:40:00.002-05:002012-06-05T20:40:54.175-05:00Writer's Block RescueSo, just in case you haven't noticed my updates have gotten a wee bit sporadic over the past two weeks. This is due to two main things. One have had some pretty full weekends and two, writer's block.<br />
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I was checking email this afternoon while enjoying the greatest Ice Cream in the world : High Road Brown Butter and Praline.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dVf_x6xY80k/T8vxSB0qX1I/AAAAAAAAAGM/HODRIQtFN2M/s1600/High+Road.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dVf_x6xY80k/T8vxSB0qX1I/AAAAAAAAAGM/HODRIQtFN2M/s320/High+Road.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
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Jennifer from <a href="http://highheelsanddirtydishes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">High Heels and Dirty Dishes</a> tagged little old me in a post and all of a sudden I had some inspiration.<br />
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Here are the rules, I have to answer her questions and post them here. So here are my answers to her questions.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;">1. I admitted that I'm a bit of an aficionado on the Manson Family; What is your eccentric curiosity? </span>I am a super Sci-Fi and Pop Culture geek. I also love to cook and watched (and enjoyed) the entire DVD that came with my Cuisinart Food Processor.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;">2. Most people would be shocked to hear that I can _____/ I cannot ______. Choose one, or answer both. Whatever floats your boat! </span>I have no sense of direction. That gene is completely missing from my chromosomes. I get lost everywhere I go. </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;">3. List a song that makes you laugh and one that makes you cry. </span>Laugh : Anything by Weird Al, Cry : I do not cry.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;">4. If you had a hired hand to do just one thing for you all of the time, what would their duty be? </span>Cook me healthy and delicious meals.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;">5. There's still a part of me that dreams about becoming a __________ someday, even though it's complete bullshit and never going to happen. </span>This is going to sound strange but I always wanted to be a research psychologist focusing on diagnostics. Also a ninja. If I had to choose between the two listed... Ninja all the fucking way.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;">6. You've been given an all-inclusive trip to one place, anywhere in the world, and could bring 1 guest. Where would you go and who would you take with you? </span>El Dorado Maroma in Cancun. And I would take my wife. It is my favorite vacation spot of all time.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;">7. If you were a character in a James Bond movie, what would your character's name be? </span>My name would be "The Fez" because I would wear a ridiculously tiny fez on my head that would conceal a tiny slingshot I could use with annoying accuracy. </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;">8. List 3 of your guilty pleasures in life. </span>TV, Captain Morgan, and Blogging</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;">9. What's the best and worst thing about the community you live in? </span>I live in downtown Dallas so the best thing is that I can walk to get almost anything. The worst thing is getting hit up for money everywhere I walk to.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;">10. The older I get, the more I ___________. </span>I want to spend on furniture.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;">11. What's the punchline to your favorite joke? Just the punchline. </span>And that's why we can't have nice things.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">Now on to the next part. I have to come up with 11 questions for other bloggers to answer. I am supposed to tag them but I will just put my questions out to the world. If you want to answer them please do it in a post on your own blog but be sure to leave a comment here with a link so that other people can check out your answers.</span></div>
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<ol>
<li>You have an apple, a shard of glass, 5 ft of rope, and 2 dead AA Batteries. What kind of weapon do you make?</li>
<li>If you had a magazine the exemplified your life, what would the title of that magazine be?</li>
<li>What is your favorite cocktail and why?</li>
<li>You can have either : A bag that could hold anything you put in it and not grow any larger or be any heavier or 20 pills that when each one was taken would allow you to lose 10 pounds overnight painlessly and without any side-effects, which do you choose and why?</li>
<li>You could either be an ensign on the Star Ship Enterprise (Next Generation), The Doctor's Companion, or a super hero for a year, which one do you choose and why?</li>
<li>What is one store you are embarrassed that you shop at?</li>
<li>What is one website you are embarrassed that you frequent?</li>
<li>What, exactly, would you do for a Klondike Bar?</li>
<li>If you had 1 million dollars to donate to any charity what charity would you choose?</li>
<li>Sharks, what the fuck is up with them?</li>
<li>If you were a super hero what would your name and super powers be?</li>
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-TheHusBlog</div>
</div>The HusBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13170340423932711697noreply@blogger.com3