Writing Assignment : A Puppet

Hello There Gentle Readers, it's me TheHusBlog.  Of course who else would it be, it is not like I gave my password away to a rich prince in Nigeria...

In any case sometimes I do little writing assignments for myself.  Usually I give myself a word and see if I can work that into something.  A lot of times it allows me to get stuff off of my chest, vent, or it turns into something interesting and whole sharing.  The below is something that I wrote when trying to create a post around the word puppet...

Though this is not my typical fare, I thought it was a worth wild read.  Please enjoy.


If it is good enough for child psychologists then it is good enough for me

I have a puppet, but more on that later...

I both love and hate the news.  On one side I love to be informed, knowing all the things that are going on in the world gives me a sense that I am a participant of important things.  However I also hate the news, mainly because I have become obsessed with the idea that the news is being presented in a way to shape my opinion.  No matter where I turn: I think that fox news is making me a gun toting, muslim hating conservative or msnbc is making me a weak willed, weepy, socialist.  And cnn is just making me want to watch fox news or msnbc.

It seems to me that everyone has an agenda.  The real question is, was the agenda always there or have I just grown up enough to notice.  That thought seems to be a driving force in my life.  Am I, growing aware of some nefarious plot that most people don’t notice, or, am I just growing up and seeing the world for what it actually is?

And while that notion can be enough to keep me awake at night worrying, I really just have one thing to say...




I am not special, I am just a dude, and the fact I have these thoughts probably makes me just like everyone else.  Let’s take a minute.  The world was either completely fucked or totally fine before I got here, and will be either completely fucked or totally fine after I am gone, and the influence that I wield on a global scale could be compared to ant trying to explain to a human the complexities of quantum mechanics...  I have no business trying to solve the world’s problems because, I went to crappy college, I am not old enough to have really lived life and earned the wisdom that comes with it, and finally, because shit dude, I am drunk on a sunday afternoon watching the Mindy Project.  

Having a deep thought with no ability to do anything with it is akin to being a guy with no hands trying to masterbate.  

See, I think the reality is that all of us need to get together and decide collectively, to NOT CHANGE THE WORLD.  Instead we need to change OUR OWN WORLD.  Make your day to day interactions count.  Be nice when you want to be mean.  Understand your job does not define you.  Watch shitty movies.  Changing the world is not something that anyone can do.  It is something that only EVERYONE can do.  But if everyone is trying to change the world individually then nothing gets done and everyone is unfulfilled...  Which is basically like my college dating life.
I think we need to do three things as individuals:

  1. Realize that we are not special and be okay with being average
  2. Understand that everything that happens to us is a simple chance to grow, change, or regress
  3. Act in a way that is nice

In short, just be cool man.

The whole thing is about being happy in your own little microcosm.  And, as is the nature of the human condition, we are prone to do things that fuck it up.  We all think things should be this way or that, but that is just us trying to change the world.  Fuck the world, seriously, it is going to be what it is with or without us.

Child psychologists use dolls to get children to think about things outside themselves or to help them describe a traumatic event that happened to them by displacing the event outside of themselves.  This sometimes works and allows the child to think about an event as happening to someone else instead of them, thus allowing them to be truthful.

Next time you are hurt or angered, use a doll (or puppet) to play that out.  And when you are done, if you think the puppet has a real reason to be upset then you are right.  However, I honestly think that most of us would think the puppet was just being a whiny bitch and should probably just take a nap...

I should never write a children’s book...

Divorce Diaries : The Plan

After you accept you are getting a divorce you need, or at least I needed to come up with a plan to be okay.  I consulted friends and family and started to cobble together a plan that would help me make it through the next couple of months.  I needed to decide what I would focus on and what I would let go of...

TheHusBlog Definition Pause (Holy Shit I found a way to work this back in, golf clap) : My Divorce Plan

  • Take care of my body, work out eat right.  During the bad times in the marriage I joined a gym and started working out regularly.  I figured it would be a good stress relief.  Well after 4 months I had lost like 50 pounds, which was cool.  I still had some more to lose and other fitness goals so I decided that I needed to keep working out.  Even if I was a wreck emotionally, if I took care of my body I would at least have that.
  • No Dating for 6 months.  I decided that I was not going to date or even consider dating for at least 6 months, I was going to be completely up front about where I was with whomever (whoever?) I dated.  And no I do not mean where I live, I mean where I was emotionally.
  • No Sex Either.  Okay so I know that should go with the bullet point above but I made a decision to not seek out a friends with benefits situation either.
  • Let my friend be their for me.  This one was hard for me.  I do not accept help, nor am I normally willing to admit when I am hurting, but for this time I decided to be vulnerable with my friends.  I assembled a team, let my friends know that I was hurting and what they could do to help me.  Each one of them, being amazing and awesome jumped right in.
  • Journal my thoughts.  I wrote a lot down during the pain points of the divorce, some of what started in my journal will make it here.

So that seems like a good plan right?  I though so too.  I will write other posts with updates on how well I did or didn't do on my plans.  Spoilers, I kind of messed up on some of them...

I would like to close with some advice, if I may be so bold.  If you are going through a divorce right now or recently went through one, my hat goes off to you.  I am truly sorry because in many ways a divorce will shake you to your very core.  Friends and Family are the only reason I made it through.  The team I assembled were the best.  Here is a blue print for the team I assembled :

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : The Divorce Support Force

  • Bestie Man(or Woman) : This was my best friend and confidant.  I told him everything, called him at odd hours and sometimes vented for hours.  Slowly as I called less, he would call more. Calling everyday to check in.  He was the rock when the world around me was nothing but rough waters
  • Wonder Couple : I had an amazing couple that have a great and envious marriage that I spent a lot of time with.  It was great to get both a male and female perspective and hanging out with them made me remember that marriage could be amazing.
  • The Enforcer : This was a female friend who would not let me do something stupid.  Any time I needed to be called on my shit, she was there.  She was the firm hand that kept me from doing anything too stupid.
  • The Divorcestress : This was a work mentor of mine who had gone through a very bad divorce many years ago.  When I didn't know what I was feeling or felt lost, she was there to talk it through.

Divorce Diaries : The Decision

So when looking at my posting history you will see that as of July last year my wife and I were trying to make a baby.  Then you see a post in Jan of this year that we are divorcing.  How do you go from trying to start a family to ending any and all connections...

Well it is easy, first you have to already be on shaky ground, then you just have to accept it.

The truth is, when I look back on my marriage, really look back on it, I realized that I was not happy.  Being a christian, I do not believe in divorce.  I committed to good times AND bad.  That commitment, was not enough.

The wife had finished school, she had a good job, we bought a house.  We were living the dream.  We tried very hard to have a child.   When my wife got pregnant I was crazy happy.  Then shortly after she miscarried...

The miscarriage was a starting event to the destruction of our marriage, but it was not the cause.  The cause of our divorce was a lack of connection.  We grew apart rather than growing together.  I sensed the gap widening between us and started to fight to keep us together.

I suggested marriage retreats, marriage counseling, but the wife would have none of it.  She told me that things were not as bad as I made them out to be and that I was overreacting.  She said she just needed time...

Slowly I was evicted from her life.  First we started sleeping in separate rooms, then we started hanging out with different friends, then our lives untangled so that she had her life and I had mine.  Even as everything was happening I knew it spelt doom for our marriage, but I fought to keep it together.  I gave her space, that did not help.  I tried to just hang out with her, that did not help.  I picked fights to start a real conversation, that did not help.

Everything I tried did not help.  As the marriage broke apart I started throwing up every morning.  For 4 months, the stress was so much that each morning I woke up and threw up.  It was the worst time in my life.

Finally, my wife just told me

"I want a divorce"

A survival instinct kicked in.  Everything became very tactical at that point.  We divided things up, amicably.  On my part because I felt like she would change her mind.  On her part because I think she wanted me to go quietly.

I am sure I was not without blame in the divorce, but I do feel like I tried everything I could to keep us together.  I look at myself in the mirror without regrets, because I did everything I thought I could to keep us married...

I do not believe in divorce, unfortunately, my wife did...


PS : I know this is one of my darker posts, thank you for reading I promise I am okay.

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