Right off the bat I want to say I am unsure where the phrase right off the bat came from...

But that is beside the point.

When I talk about surroundings I am less referring to the area in which you live and more referring to the people you choose to have around.  Apparently I need to surround myself with more English Degreed Writers (and apparently capitalization experts as well).

"There is no such thing as 'capitalization experts', dumbass"

Well it appears the critical voice in my head woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

Whenever I think about the people that surround us I am reminded of an early episode of the West Wing.  In an episode of the show, which focuses around a Democratic President, the President watches a Republican Pundit wipe up the floor with one of his aids on a news program and wants to hire her.  When the Pundit is approached by a member of the President's staff she asks why would the President want to hire her.  The answer was, "the President likes to surround himself with smart people who disagree with him."

I always loved that answer.  I love that answer for two reasons.  One it is an admission that just because one feels a certain way about something doesn't mean that is the right position.  And two it places a profound respect on Intelligence, something sorely lacking sometimes.

Most of my really great friends and I don't see eye to eye on some topics.  I love a good debate.  And I also love a good debate with someone who can intelligently defend their position.  It is important for us as married partners to have friends around us to with different opinions so that we can see other perspectives.

Now don't get me wrong, it is okay to have different opinions and perspectives but we also have to be careful to surround ourselves with friends with the same moral compass.  It is never a good idea to be friends with a liar or cheater.

We can sometimes get sucked into the married life.  Surrounding ourself with only our wife and children but it is important to also get that outside perspective.  And that perspective is even further enhanced if, instead of blind agreement, it provides a challenge to conceived notions, feed by robust debate, and tempered with likeminded morals.

-TheHusBlog

ps : Right off the bat is a baseball term, meaning immediately.  It's first incarnation was "hot off the bat".

Marriage is a partnership, often times it relies on the agreement between two individuals to not only support one another, but to have one another's back should conflict arise.  It is hard to be completely fair to someone we see and interact with every day.  As the years progress we tend to see more of the flaws than the successes...

In order to really enjoy and support your partner you have to remember the the three C's.  Compliment, Congratulate, and Critique.  By the way it is in that order...

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : The Three C's

• Compliment.  If you spouse looks wonderful, then tell them so.  Make sure you are genuine in your compliment.  We so often take for granted the amazing things our spouse does everyday.  It can be a challenge to step outside of ourselves to realize how lucky we are to have our partners.
• Congratulate.  It is important to celebrate the successes of our partners.  Whether it is completing a program of some kind, getting a promotion, or saving the life of a foreign dignitary.  Successes should be enjoyed because they are what lifts us up.
• Critique.  Certainly there are times when we are hurt, bothered, or even offended by our spouses behavior.  In those instances you will have to have a conversation with them about how you perceived the situation and how they perceived it.  These conversations should always be fact based, with no name calling, and of course constructive.

Before my wife and I got married we bought a book called "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married."

Our exploration of this book started as a lark(yeah I just used lark in a sentence, jealous?) but soon became a very serious endeavor.  It served as a great spring board for exploring topics that we didn't think of or were scared to dive into.  However in reflecting on this book I have thought of a few questions that were not covered that I think every engaged couple should explore before walking down the aisle.

Things that you should ask before marriage:

Zombie Section

• If we had two weapons, a crossbow and a machete, which weapon would you want me to use and which weapon would you want to use?
• I am turned into a Zombie, do you:
• Capture me, and search the earth for a cure
• Shoot me in the head immediately because you know I would not want to be a zombie
• Let me bite you so we can be zombies together
• Run away screaming screw you, I'm dating your sister(or brother) now
• Would you be willing to kill our human neighbors for their food so we can survive, because after all he seems to take good care of his family.  I mean why can't you get a promotion at work.  And have you seen her new car...
• How much pre zombie war stock piling is too much?

So you know those couples that seem to have it all figured out?  They are fun to be around, seem to compliment each other's personality, and never seem to have a fight.  They are both attractive and have the same hobbies and never nit pick each other.  They balance their work life and social life perfectly and drop everything for the other person without complaining.  You know those types of couples?

If you said yes you are either a total liar, or completely clueless.

The perfect couple does not exist.  Sure there are couples that seem to be perfect, or are effortless but the truth is they work at it... or they just fake it really well in front of you.

Pardon me while I segue for a moment...

As you start to get into marriage your single friends begin to either fall by the wayside or morph into couple friends.  This is a natural thing and happens gradually for most people.  Then one day you wake up and your crazy friend Bob is replaced by Bob and Carol, a lovely couple from the neighborhood.  Oh, and your slutty friend Tiffany, is now Tiffany and John and they are pregnant with their third child.  And let's not forget about Carl the confirmed for life bachelor friend of yours...  You only see him about once a year when he is coming through town on a business trip and even then you start to run out of things to talk about.  The simple fact of the matter is that friendships change as you grow, and sure, age changes things but so does being married.

Segue ended...

As you grow and make new couple friends, inevitably you have that perfect couple friendship.  That couple that makes you feel like you are doing something wrong or that seem to never fight, or have tons of money, or have lots of free time, or any number of other things.  But the simple fact of the matter is they are not perfect.  They have disagreements just like you do and they work at things just like you do.

Falling prey to believing you have a perfect couple to role model is just going to make you crazy.  Everyone is different and just because something is working for them does not mean it will work for you. It is ultimately self defeating to compare your relationship to anyone else's.  And remember you only see what the couple wants you to see.

Instead of comparing or trying to find a role model you and your spouse need to find the time to talk and connect about what you each want in your relationship.  Couple fight, couples don't like one another from time to time, couples even need some space every now and again.  That doesn't mean you fail, or have made a mistake.  It just means you are human.

Most couple end up having a fight over little stuff, and not even questioning the big stuff.  When the chips are down can your spouse count on you.  If you said yes, you are already the perfect couple...

-TheHusBlog

ps and continuing my blatant plugging of previous posts I give you: Things I Would Read