And That's When I Realized Bagels Are Not Appropriate Wedding Gifts

Okay, let me be honest here, that title has nothing to do with what I am going to write here.  It just sounded funny in my head.  I have no idea why I thought of a sentence like that but hey I am just going to go with it.

I have been working on a post about Taxes and how I feel about them, however it is an exceeding long post, lacking humor and might in some small way make me seem like a douche-bag.  So until I can de-douche that post, or over-douche it(I believe in extremes) I cannot post it.

Instead I will share with you my super power.  Super Delayed Hearing!  (Insert powerful trumpet music here).  Now you might be thinking, "what in the fuck is super delayed hearing?"  I have bad hearing in general, it might have set in at an early age having to do with getting tubes in my ears or it might just be a malady passed on by my father, in any case I suck at hearing.

However, I think part of my brain has come to compensate for that fact and if I hear something I do not understand my brain seems to take what it heard and begin a process where is tries to make sense of the sounds I have heard.  This process can sometimes take a few seconds but more often than I not I come away with what was said.  Now if I could just keep my mouth shut for the seconds it takes to process this information I would be fine, however I instinctively say "huh?"

My wife is a woman of extremes as well.  I describe her as going from def-con 0 to def-con 27 in a heartbeat.  This is not to say she is mean or hits me or anything but if she says something in a normal voice and say "huh?" rather than increasing her volume to the appropriate level, he goes into full on hearing aid failing volume.

This results in her saying "Can you pee in <blank> water <blank> purple haze"

Then me saying, "huh?"

Mental processing complete, oh empty the dishwasher.

Then her yelling "Can you empty the dishwasher please"

Okay, okay, it might not be a super power.  Actually now that I think about it, it might be a weakness.  Damn, you public education system for falsely boosting my self esteem.  (Shaking fist at sky)

Unfortunately now I am having a hard time ending this post... Oh wait, how about it:

...And then I found 5 dollars.

Nailed It


2 Response to "And That's When I Realized Bagels Are Not Appropriate Wedding Gifts"

  1. Andrea says:

    Ooh at happens to me sometimes when I. Sort of hear the request but can't readily process what it meant, and then my kids have the nerve to get impatient with me!

    laustan says:

    In case you're awkward conceiving of brand new ideas (or don't have a clue about the couple all around ok), yet everything left on the registry is excessively expensive, consider giving a gift voucher to the store where the registry is recorded, Gottsman proposes. Or, on the other hand you could run with Post's standby: an engraved picture outline.
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