So my wife and I's cat has been very needy lately.  I think now that she is used to her new surroundings she has decided that she isn't getting enough attention, love, adoration, worship.  Lately, when I get home she comes running into greet me, and let out a loud, angry :

"MMMMEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW"

I have tried to decipher her meaning and here is what I have come up with:

• "You know I have no concept of time right, so according to me you have been gone for 300 years, where the fuck have you been?  Feed me!"
• "Why didn't you leave the tv on while you were gone, now I missed The View.  Feed Me!"
• While you were gone I heard all kinds of strange noises, you know I hate strange noises, next time you better ensure I don't hear ANYTHING!  Feed me."
• "If there isn't tuna in that bag there will be hell to pay!  Pet me!"
• "I discovered a new place to sit right in front of the television and you weren't here to see it.  Guess what fucker, I am going to sit here all night long.  Pet me."
• "If a package from Amazon comes it is for me.  That'll teach you to leave your computer on with Amazon signed in.  Feed and Pet me!"
• "I slept for 14 hours today, and I have woken up just in time to fuck with you all night long!"
• "I am going to stare at you until you wake up tonight."
• "Just so you know I am going to wait until about a minute before you get up from the couch to jump on your lap and settle in the cutest way possible..."
• "I am going to spend the rest of the night walking directly in front of you and stopping for no apparent reason...  Feed me."