A Husband's Guide to : Sex Part 1

Okay, look, let me be totally honest here.  There is no way I am going to cover Sex in one post, three posts, hell even ten posts, so my feeble attempt will be to break down the Topic of Sex and cover it as I have time but I will not cover it in any type of sequence, so hey fellas, just like the act of Sex itself you will have to take my Sex postings as they come...
I know what you are thinking, "But TheHusBlog, you are the only one I can count on for marriage advice, if you do not tackle this one, then how am I to get some?"  Well either that or, "Seriously, one last time 'TheHusBlog' is just a strange way to refer to yourself, I mean are you the author of the website, the website itself, or some disembodied entity that named itself poorly."  To which I have to respond that all relationships are different and to cover Sex with any real thought would be too much in one sweep so I will break down parts and pieces as I am inspired to do so.  So without further ado(always wanted to say that) I give you...

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Challenges to the Married Man getting sex

  • You : Let us take a minute to think about ourselves.  Fellas, do you look better now or when you first met your wife.  The answer is probably when you met your wife.  Nothing to be ashamed of but when we are single we spend more time on our appearance, we work out more(or at all, you know who I am talking to), and we try harder in all aspects of our relationship.  You have to change your mindset back to what it was when you were courting your lady love.  Take pride in yourself, dress up for dinner rather than wearing those old ratty jeans and KISS T-Shirt from 1987.  Take note of the clothes your wife hates and stop wearing them.  If she tells you that you look good in a certain outfit than WEAR IT MORE!  Remember that your wife does not have to sleep with you, YOU need to make her want to sleep with you.  So maybe hit the gym, watch what you eat, and wear what SHE thinks looks good on you.  Be like a peacock and strut a little, show off what you know she likes.
  • The Rules have Changed :  There is no good way to put this and I am not going to blame men or women for this mindset but the truth of the matter is Sex is like a reward.  Think about it, if you as a husband, take care of choirs, clean up the house, take your wife out for a great dinner (not talking The Sizzler here people!), and have a really good night out, the expectation is going to be sex.  I am not saying this is right or wrong but during the courtship if all those things occurred your "Girlfriend" would more than likely show you some attention.  But now as a husband all of those things are expected.  As a married man you can feel like the rules have changed, and the old ways are not the new ways, and that is true.  The bar does raise when you get married and at the beginning it is fun and rewarding but as time goes on you can get kind of pissed off that the things that used to net the best results are now like the bare minimum.  You have to stop being bitter and re-train yourself as to what turns your partner on.  In the dating days it was showing your affection through the standard channels : Dinner, Movie, Listening.  Now it takes a different set of tools : Empathizing, Connecting, Seduction. Forge the bond with her that makes her feel safe and like she has a partner and you should see results.  A back rub or two without expectations will also go a long way in securing a few back rubs WITH expectations.
  • Situation : Pick the right time for seduction as well.  We as men have to face facts that some days sex is just not in the cards.  Remember that just because we can be ready at a moment's notice does not mean our partner will be.  You have to sense when the time is right.  Often times if your spouse makes a point to say she is going to bed earlier than normal, you should go too.  Often times if she gives you THAT look, you should make your move.  Often times if she is more touchy than normal you should keep touching back.  One thing to keep in mind.  If you make a move and get shot down, DO NOT BE BITTER!  Be the understanding Husband, offer to cuddle while she falls asleep or rub her shoulders, because you are setting the stage for success another night!  And remember to make her feel sexy, because if she feels good about herself, she will make yourself feel good.  (That was a word play that I am not sure worked, but I am going to keep it anyway)
  • Boredom : I hate to say it but we all fall into ruts, and even I (TheHusBlog) am no exception.  Remember that sex should feel good and be fun.  So if you have been doing the same position for the past couple of years it might be time to shake things up.  Try to broach the subject of sexual fantasies with your wife and see if she is willing talk about them, and if she is do not laugh or make fun but listen.  That information will be key to your plans to make both her and you more interested in sex.  Oh and let me just say now I am 99.999999999% her sexual fantasy does not involve you, her, and another woman so put that out of your head now.
  • Sexpectations : Do not get all pissed off if the situation does not go exactly according to plan.  Nothing will kill the mood faster than whining.  Example, you and your wife go out for a night on the town.  She is wearing a sexy black dress with thigh highs, and killer high heeled shoes.  Now cut to the end of the evening and she changes the second(often before you can blink) you get home into pajama pants and one of your old T-shirts.  Look, believe me, I know, you thought you were going to be writing your letters to penthouse forum letter and now you might as well write your Better Homes and Gardens Chicken Cassarole recipe.  But take heart, that hot, sexy, fine, woman is still there, she just wanted to get comfortable.  Snuggle up with her, touch her, tell her how amazing she looked tonight, and even now in pj's.  Because you know that while you were out every man was just a little jealous of you.  Hold on to the feelings in the moment they occur and recall them when the moment for intimacy strikes.  Just because the thigh highs aren't on, doesn't mean the legs are any less awesome, get my drift.
Sex comes easy in the early part of a relationship and it lulls us into a false sense of security.  If you love your wife, she is worth the effort.  If you honor your marriage, it is worth the effort, and if you enjoy sex, it is seriously worth the effort.  So make yourself the Man she wants to be with by avoiding the pitfalls that so many men fall into. 

I know, I know, when you got married you thought you were beyond all this effort.  You thought that once you put a ring on it you proved your devotion so she should prove hers.  But things don't work out the way we plan, and we must adapt.  If men are from Mars and women are from Venus you just have to plan a good holiday for you both on Earth...

-TheHusBlog

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