A Husband's Guide to : Warning Lights

I found an interesting stat the other day.  The average America's commute is 46 minutes of drive time round trip.  That means if a person has 2 weeks of vacation per year and lets just say 2 weeks of sick time and works for 35 years, then they spend 1,288 hours in their car go to and from work which equates to 53.6 DAYS!  That does not include all the driving they do on errands, road trips, and what have you. 

I love my car, it is comfortable and reliable, it is not the fastest car on the road, but she always gets me where I am going.  And while contemplating my car I thought about all the warning lights that have popped up over the years and I wondered what would my marriage warning lights be...

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Warning Lights

  • Maintenance Required : This warning light means you might need to do some chores around the house.  We all get a little complacent every now and then.  But if your wife has told you for the 15th time to pick up your socks it might be time to pick up the socks.  Chores are a natural part of marriage and they should always be in balance.  However life sometimes gets in the way and one person in the relationship might have to carry the extra load for time.  Keep in mind though, the person carrying the extra burden will start to get pretty pissed off if they carry it for too long.  Maybe you are having a rough week at work and working long hours, your spouse will step in and probably do a little extra at home, but do not become too used to it.  Once your work levels out step back in to help out around the house because if one person is cleaning the kitchen while the other is watching TV...well let's just say the dashboard is going to light up.
  • Check Engine : Why are you married?  The engine is what pushes the car forward. What pushes your marriage forward.  I know, I know, you love your spouse, that is why you are married, right?  Sure that is true, but what made you fall in love with them.  When the relationship starts to become routine you have to avoid being lost to the dull drum beat of I am married, I am married.  Instead remember why you fell in love with your spouse and do activities the re-ignite that spark.  Did you fall in love because of common interest, did you fall in love because of twisted sense of humor you both share, or because you could talk for hours... 
  • Coolant Low :  Fighting a bit too much over stupid stuff might mean you both need some more coolant.  If you get too involved with one another an you don't have something for yourself that brings you joy then you might need a hobby.  Being married is great but that doesn't mean you have to share EVERYTHING.  You both should find something that you love to do separately that helps you relax.  This could be anything from reading a good book, to taking fencing classes, either way find something for just you to do and that will help give perspective when you both are in a knock down drag out fight over who is better at snorkeling.
  • Check Battery : Are you feeling low energy?  I have a term for this (NFI = Not Feeling It).  Sure, sometimes you just don't have the energy to put into your marriage.  But unfortunately marriage is one of things you always have to find the energy for.  Check your motivation, because you should want to make your spouse happy.  We all cannot be 100% gung-ho everyday, but if you are going through a period of constant low energy maybe it is time to shift your priorities.
  • Low Fuel Light : A marriage runs, in my opinion on shared opinions, joint history, and common goals.  So, if your fuel is running low perhaps you are missing some of those.  The flames of love do need to fanned every now and again (I do beg my readers forgiveness at that lame metaphor).  So if you are man you might be reading this as SEX if you are a woman you might be reading this as INTIMACY.  Which one is right you say : Well both.  You have to be having the physical act of love(sex), and you have to have the emotional act of love connection(intimacy).  Oh and by the way guys, do not ever say "Hey our Love Tank is low so let's do it and talk and stuff."  Instead create the right mood, set the stage with a nice date night out (something she would want to do), and be on your best behavior, never make sex a chore by bringing up how long it has been, or by quoting the Bible on her "womanly duties."  Set the right mood and if you do not know what would turn her on, ask her!
  • Door Ajar : Oh my gosh your door has become a jar!  Just kidding.  If my overall metaphor stands true then your marriage is like a car and you do not want to leave a door open where anyone can just get in.  We all deal with temptation, and as the marriage goes on and starts to feel stale, we might leave a passenger door open slightly to let someone else in.  BIG MISTAKE!  Mind your thoughts, do not even entertain them.  What you think is a little harmless flirting now could snowball into something you cannot take back later. 
That might be my longest Definition Pause to date.  I talk a lot about being a partner to your spouse however sometimes it can be just as important to be a passenger.  Relationships work best for both parties when you share time in the driver's seat.  Perhaps you move for the other's career, or take up a hobby just to make the other person happy, but you must remember to switch off.  Staying to long at the driver's seat puts you and your spouse at risk.  Just remember to check your mirrors, buckle your seat belt, drive the speed limit and of course mind the warning signs.


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