A Husband's Guide to : Perspective

Ah, perspective... (I have to put in a little aside here, I have written, and rewritten this post a couple times and the only thing that has stayed throughout all of the iterations was the beginning line "Ah, perspective...")  To me, getting the right perspective on things is a Zen like pursuit, you will never fully attain it, but the journey is important.

A marriage is all about compromise, but sometimes one person has to put themselves in the other person's shoes.  This can be a feat of epic proportions when in a fight.  Often times we can be so consumed with the idea that we are right, that we cannot see the other person's point of view which will severely hinder coming to any type of understanding.  So we as Husbands must walk a fine line between being a hard headed jerk and a door mat that just gets walked all over...  The key to staying in the middle of those two extremes is of course perspective.

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Barriers to True Perspective

  • Honor : When our word is called into question, most men will get very angry.  It is a hard thing, to have someone question our integrity and then listen patiently while they explain why.  A great example of this is when our wives ask us our opinion about something, we give it, then she thinks we are lying.  It could be about something really small, like whether or not you like the dress she has on.  We say "yes." And she doubts it.  She might doubt it because our voice got a little higher, or because we looked away when we answered.  The simple truth is she observed a behavior that she felt was dishonest.  Now our first reaction might be to get angry that our words where not trusted, but the truth of the matter is, maybe, we did give a signal that our words might now have been true, take a second, step back and realize, she is not calling into question your honor, just the last couple words you said...
  • Situational : Your wife probably does not understand all the ins and outs of your job.  You might come home and tell her how awful your day was, and she might tell you that you are over reacting.  Now she is giving her perspective.  You might not like it, but the truth of the matter is, she was not there and sometimes it is hard to convey a situation with words.  
  • Emotional : More often than not the only thing that travels faster than light is the feeling of being hurt.  In the midst of an argument, our hurt feelings can cloud the situation.  It can be hard to take a step back when emotions are high, but that is often the best step you can take.
So I know what you are thinking : "TheHusBlog, I know your usual method is to wax intellectual about something and then bring it all together at the end, but to be honest this seems a little rambling..."  Well that or you are thinking, "Can I just call you 'Hus' for short?"  

I guess this is a little rambling, mainly because Perspective is such a hard topic to write about.  I mean the greatest philosophers of all time struggled with one question : "What is truth?"  And to discover truth you have to have the right perspective.  I don't believe that any person can have true perspective, because perspective grows the more you are able to take yourself out of the equation.  To see Truth, you have to remove your feelings, misconceptions, and opinions.  No person is able to completely remove those things, so no person can achieve Truth, or Perspective, or whatever you would like to call it.

We all struggle to not only grow, but to grow with our partner, sometimes the road is rocky, and fights do happen, but if you can try to be just a little objective, then you might walk away with some perspective on the situation, that might not only end the fight quicker, but make for a more satisfying resolution...


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