A Husband's Guide to : Sex Part 3 (Keys to the Kingdom)

Wives, I have recently learned speak in a pseudo secret code, that I am just now learning to decipher.  I am reflecting back to the communication chapters in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus but thanks to years of college drinking, a job that takes up way too much of my own memory and the fabulous side effects of being in my mid 30's I am at a loss.  So we are just going to have to move on without some pithy quote from a book you probably haven't read anyway...  In order to decipher this secret wife code, I am going to have to give some examples...

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : The "Da'Wifey Code" (meant to be a play on the Davinchi code, I know, I know, if you have to explain it, then it probably isn't good.  Well, screw you!  I am leaving it in anyway, so there!)

  • She says -- "This house is a mess."  She means -- "Will you please pick this place up, most of this crap is yours anyway!"
  • She says -- "We should do something romantic."  She means -- "Will you take me out and treat me like a lady, and not expect to get laid just cause you picked up a bill at a resturant one step nicer than Applebees."
  • She says -- "What are our plans for this weekend?"  She means -- "I am totally slammed this week and I really don't have time to even think about this weekend so could you please figure out what we are doing and just tell me when I need to be ready."
  • She says -- "I can't even think about dinner."  She means -- "Will you please make or acquire some sort of food for us."
So by now you should be seeing a pattern.  The wife makes a sweeping statement about a situation, and what she is really saying is she wants you to act upon it.  Now here is the part where it gets really unfair.  Sometimes you wife will say something to gain your empathy, not for you to do anything about it.  Other times, like in the examples above she will say something about a situation, not wanting your empathy, but instead wanting your action. 

"Wait a minute, TheHusBlog, how the hell am I supposed to tell the difference?"

I am really glad you asked that question.  The answer lies in the situation, if it is something that you can and regualarly do, do something about it.  If instead she is talking about a situation that you are not even remotely connected to, like her work, then listen and empathize.  It is important that you understand that your wife might sometimes ask for your help in a round about way.  We all need help, we need it everyday, listen to what your wife is saying, but also read between the lines so that you can provide all the help she needs, remember to be a good partner because I guarentee you are not always as easy to understand as you think you are too...




"Ah, TheHusBlog...  Aren't you forgetting something?  This post is called Sex Part 3, and I have not seen a single sentence dedicated to the topic, so is there some sort of mistake, did you miss label this post or something?!?!"

This post is sub-titled the keys to the kingdom for good reason.  The barriers to sex really all boil down to one thing...time.  As we get busier and busier we run out of time at the end of the day.  Time to work, time to get things done around the house, time to eat, time to sleep, hell, even time to just sit quietly for 5 minutes.  The key to have sex is all about time.  And the key to time is to help your partner get everything done in her day with some time left over.  Once you have the time, you will have the time...

Understand the hidden ques your wife gives you and you will be able to help her get things done.

-TheHusBlog... again.

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