A Husband's Guide to : Processing Speed

Computers process at different speeds depending on the chip in them.  People can be the same way.  In the midst of a fight certain people could take in all the information and be ready to go at it, while others need a few moments to compose their thoughts, and still others might need to sleep on it.  Now to further enrich the already weak metaphor, computers also cool down at different speeds depending on their fan.  People can be the same way, some cool off quickly, while others need some time to cool down.

I know what you are thinking, "TheHusBlog, your intro paragraph is a little convoluted."  Or you are thinking, "Hey TheHusblog, look, I used convoluted correctly, don't you want to tell me your real name now, or at least ask me to join your google+ circle?"  I know, I know, the intro is a little convoluted but from humble beginnings... (not sure what the end of that little truism is, but I will distract you with...)

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Processing Speed vs. Cool Down Period

  • Fast Processing + Fast Cool Down : Quick to judgement, and quick to forgive, this type of speed can be hard to keep up with...  One moment you are mortal enemies, the other you are snuggling on the couch planning your next romantic get away.
  • Fast Processing + Slow Cool Down :  Quick to anger but slow to cool, this is a hard one.  Fights with a person like this often just need a break.  Make your point, then take a break so that each person can cool off.
  • Slow Processing + Fast Cool Down : Everything seems fine, but then drama!  (Pretend I said drama at the same time as pillars of flames erupted around this post, more dramatic that way).  This is a hard one because you might have talked out an issue, then all of a sudden you are in trouble for something you thought was resolved, then just as you understand you are in trouble, you are forgiven...  Just prepared to say WTF a lot. 
  • Slow Processing + Slow Cool Down : Much like a steam locomotive from the 1930's (I know, first I start with a computer metaphor, then an old school train metaphor...I hate myself too) this type of person is easy to predict but hard to convince.  Slow processing is good in a sense because you can follow the "train of logic" (see what I did there) but because of the slow cool down it can be hard to deal with the after effects.  
So now you know the different types of people but really how does this help, right?:  I am trying to help frame a situation, trying to allow you to take yourself out of the specific situation so that you can objectively understand the rules that govern said situation.

Fighting is never fun, often times it is insanely challenging, balancing your own personal needs against your perceived needs of your partner.  What I hope to illustrate is once you understand how your partner fights, you can understand what your role needs to be.  I am a slow to process, quick to cool down person, whereas my wife is a  quick to process, slow to cool down person.  That is about as opposite as you can be.  But I have learned to take my time.  Often times I have completely understood and forgiven my wife and she is still mad.  Because I understand how she operates I give her time.  

It is hard to try to understand your partner when you are trying so hard to be understood yourself.  That is true nature of fights, you do not believe your partner is hearing you and your partner believes the same thing.  By understanding the method and speed in which they process you can be effective in not winning the fight, but being understood and understanding your partner.

The battle is not important, neither is the war...  Remember that the only time in relationships you can really enjoy is peacetime.  Focus on getting there rather than winning, because that is true victory.


p.s. : quick poll, last paragraph, too cheesy?

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