A Husband's Guide to : Finishing Strong (This is not Sex Part 4 you pervert!)

My wife and went out to dinner the other night at a restaurant she has been wanting to go to for several months.  She was very excited and I was happy to take her somewhere she had been wanting to go.  We got to the restaurant with no problems and were promptly seated.  Everything was going well, our appetizer arrived and it was just okay, our soup and salad came and it wasn't that good.  We were undaunted(mental note : use that word more often, sounds awesome).   The main course arrived and it was incredible.  Both her's and mine were delicious and we both stopped talking for few moments just to enjoy our meal.  She insisted that her's was better than mine, I disagreed, which was a sign that we ordered the right things.

We were now invigorated by our awesome main course that we had forgotten about the average appetizer and bad soup and salad.  We ordered some dessert.  While waiting for the dessert (which took too long to arrive) we started to notice that our chairs were uncomfortable.  We noticed that our table was in kind of crappy location.  We noticed that our waiter had just been sat with a big top and had no time for us.  All these things were noticed because we wanted some dessert and had to wait over 20 minutes for it.  We passed the time by talking and enjoying each other's company but each moment was another strike against the restaurant.  Dessert finally arrived and after we had a bite of each (hell yes, we ordered two desserts to share..) we decided that the desserts in fact, sucked.

Let's be honest a bad meal at a restaurant is going to happen, it is not the end of the world.  But you know how I like to relate everyday situations to marriage so this seemed perfect.  So what this means is that...  Wait a minute, I am getting ahead of myself.  How about a TheHusBlog definition pause?  That should totally go here :

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Stages of an Event

  • The Beginning : No matter where you are or what you are doing, the beginning of an event is always the most awkward.  You have to figure out where to go and what exactly to do, it takes a little bit of time to get situated.
  • The Middle : This is the easy part.  You should be settled and just enjoying the event.  Minor tweaks might need to made here and there but for the most part you should be coasting.
  • The End :  The end is the most important part.  Rarely do people remember how something started, but they always remember how it ended.  Sure, many a funny story has been told starting with strife and ending with triumph, but the important part is always at the end.
To help drive the point home I am reminded of something I learned in my college psychology classes.  The law of primacy and recency.  The law basically states that a person is more than likely to remember the first thing they heard and the last thing.  Now the remembering the first thing is fine, but as a society we are trained to focus on the end.  Riding off in the sunset, living happily ever after, or some such phrase.  The human condition will always be focused on the results.

Let's bring it around to the dinner again.  The dinner started off only okay with a sub par appetizer and boring soup and salad.  It regained momentum with a phenomenal main course but then lost it with a horrid dessert.  A few days later all I really remember is how the meal ended.  The middle was totally washed away by the start and finish.

"TheHusBlog, bring it home!"

Why thank you, I will.  You have to remember that when things are going badly there is always a way to recover.  In fights, in life, in all things, the ending matters.  Maybe when you are in the middle of an argument with your spouse you feel like it is all over, but the truth is the middle will be forgotten first.  Use this knowledge to your advantage.  Be the person you want to be by ending the issue in a positive light.  Be caring, honest, and humble...  You may think that in the middle you have messed up, or your spouse has messed up, but there is always a chance to recover.  The beginning matters, but the end is all that anyone keeps score on.


-TheHusBlog

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