So I just woke up where I had a dream that first I was totally freaking out because I could not make a flight because I could not figure out the airport code on my ticket, then the dream morphed to where I was floating in space with four other random people...  We decided that if we all laughed it would provide oxygen to the one guy we all wanted to live so we died laughing in space for the sake of some stranger who transformed into the Predator after we died.

So I given this some thought as to what all this means...

1.)  Couldn't find the airport is totally related to my fears of being unprepared in life and a general statement to my level of anxiety around such things.
2.)  The second part with space and the Predator is totally related to a latent psychic ability which means the aliens are coming and they probably think I am funny, after they take over the world I will more than likely be given some high position of honor similar to Court Jester...  Or if our invaders take us over I will be spared because I taste funny...  Either way I feel like in case of alien invasion I am okay.

Sidenote (aka "What The Fuck is This Post?") - Occasionally I have funny little notes that I want to write that really do not fit into this blog's theme.  Instead of suppressing them (which I have been, causing me to shout out strange things in elevators, like "Aliens think I taste funny", or "Burgers with onion rings on them are the greatest invention since stuffed crust pizza") I have decided to share them...

If you hate these types of posts please feel free to ignore them or be like the one strange guy who keeps sending me emails of Star Trek homoerotic cross over fan fiction and send me emails having nothing to do with what I write and confuse the hell out of me...

PS : To the guy who keeps send me fan fiction...  Your knowledge of Riker's beard is both disturbing and fascinating...

PPS : Really, no one is sending me Star Trek homoerotic fan fiction, it just seemed like a funny thing to say...

PPPS : Please do not send me Star Trek homoerotic fan fiction because now you think it is funny...

PPPPS : Okay, it would be funny...

-TheHusBlog

So I was thinking the other day about the differences between my wife and I.  These thoughts naturally made me laugh as I was thinking about the different ideas and ideals we have about life in general.  So naturally I thought I should write this down...

Reality TV Show

• Man : Husbands switch out their wives for one week with a bikini model
• Woman : Wives switch out their husbands for a handyman

Computers process at different speeds depending on the chip in them.  People can be the same way.  In the midst of a fight certain people could take in all the information and be ready to go at it, while others need a few moments to compose their thoughts, and still others might need to sleep on it.  Now to further enrich the already weak metaphor, computers also cool down at different speeds depending on their fan.  People can be the same way, some cool off quickly, while others need some time to cool down.

I know what you are thinking, "TheHusBlog, your intro paragraph is a little convoluted."  Or you are thinking, "Hey TheHusblog, look, I used convoluted correctly, don't you want to tell me your real name now, or at least ask me to join your google+ circle?"  I know, I know, the intro is a little convoluted but from humble beginnings... (not sure what the end of that little truism is, but I will distract you with...)

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Processing Speed vs. Cool Down Period

• Fast Processing + Fast Cool Down : Quick to judgement, and quick to forgive, this type of speed can be hard to keep up with...  One moment you are mortal enemies, the other you are snuggling on the couch planning your next romantic get away.
• Fast Processing + Slow Cool Down :  Quick to anger but slow to cool, this is a hard one.  Fights with a person like this often just need a break.  Make your point, then take a break so that each person can cool off.
• Slow Processing + Fast Cool Down : Everything seems fine, but then drama!  (Pretend I said drama at the same time as pillars of flames erupted around this post, more dramatic that way).  This is a hard one because you might have talked out an issue, then all of a sudden you are in trouble for something you thought was resolved, then just as you understand you are in trouble, you are forgiven...  Just prepared to say WTF a lot. 
• Slow Processing + Slow Cool Down : Much like a steam locomotive from the 1930's (I know, first I start with a computer metaphor, then an old school train metaphor...I hate myself too) this type of person is easy to predict but hard to convince.  Slow processing is good in a sense because you can follow the "train of logic" (see what I did there) but because of the slow cool down it can be hard to deal with the after effects.  

I read about marriage regularly, follow blogs about marriage, and reflect on my own marriage all the time.  I studied psychology in college and ended up working in technology ( that is a long story for another day).  Because of my background I am analytic by my very nature and enjoy breaking down situations into easy to understand facts.

Sometimes my posts are a long meandering path hoping to shed light on a little issue and others are a sharp drop into a chasm (seriously, tried to spell that 3 different ways before I got it right) of honesty.  My subjects vary from the poignant (why am I choosing hard to spell words in this post) to the ridiculous.

But this post is different, this post provides a great secret to marriage that I believe is CRITICAL.  It started with a post on Marriage Gems, which is a blog I love.  Before I continue you have to read the post that inspired me :
 Click Here-ish

The whole post is good, however three words stuck with me and I cannot get them out of my head.

"Presume the best"

We have to treat our spouses in a way that reflects the choice we made to be with them till death do us part.

I am going to stop for a second here.  Please take a moment and read the two lines above.  Have you done that?  Have you taken that in?

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Presume the best and what it means

• Benefit of the doubt : When you presume the best of your spouse you understand that she/he does things with the best of intentions.  Not all plans work out, but when you presume the best you are telling your partner that you assume they tried.
• Forgiving bad word-smithing : Not everyone can be Shakespeare.  Sometimes we say something that sounds dumb or cruel not meaning to.  When you presume the best you give your partner a chance to re-phrase something that came out wrong.
• Understanding : Your spouse is not perfect all the time, hell, neither are you.  When you presume the best you are committing to understand all that is going on in your spouse's life, not just what is happening right now.  If your spouse is cold or stand offish it might not have anything to do with you.  So rather than being hurt, you take the time to figure out what is wrong in a caring and non-judgmental way.

My wife and went out to dinner the other night at a restaurant she has been wanting to go to for several months.  She was very excited and I was happy to take her somewhere she had been wanting to go.  We got to the restaurant with no problems and were promptly seated.  Everything was going well, our appetizer arrived and it was just okay, our soup and salad came and it wasn't that good.  We were undaunted(mental note : use that word more often, sounds awesome).   The main course arrived and it was incredible.  Both her's and mine were delicious and we both stopped talking for few moments just to enjoy our meal.  She insisted that her's was better than mine, I disagreed, which was a sign that we ordered the right things.

We were now invigorated by our awesome main course that we had forgotten about the average appetizer and bad soup and salad.  We ordered some dessert.  While waiting for the dessert (which took too long to arrive) we started to notice that our chairs were uncomfortable.  We noticed that our table was in kind of crappy location.  We noticed that our waiter had just been sat with a big top and had no time for us.  All these things were noticed because we wanted some dessert and had to wait over 20 minutes for it.  We passed the time by talking and enjoying each other's company but each moment was another strike against the restaurant.  Dessert finally arrived and after we had a bite of each (hell yes, we ordered two desserts to share..) we decided that the desserts in fact, sucked.

Let's be honest a bad meal at a restaurant is going to happen, it is not the end of the world.  But you know how I like to relate everyday situations to marriage so this seemed perfect.  So what this means is that...  Wait a minute, I am getting ahead of myself.  How about a TheHusBlog definition pause?  That should totally go here :

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Stages of an Event

• The Beginning : No matter where you are or what you are doing, the beginning of an event is always the most awkward.  You have to figure out where to go and what exactly to do, it takes a little bit of time to get situated.
• The Middle : This is the easy part.  You should be settled and just enjoying the event.  Minor tweaks might need to made here and there but for the most part you should be coasting.
• The End :  The end is the most important part.  Rarely do people remember how something started, but they always remember how it ended.  Sure, many a funny story has been told starting with strife and ending with triumph, but the important part is always at the end.

-TheHusBlog

Nothing can cause fights faster than stupid stuff.  As I do my research (talking to my friends mostly), I have found that the majority of fights occur over stupid stuff.  The big things are often handled with a far more delicate hand.  Big things don't come around too often so it stands to reason that if you are fighting a lot it is over the stupid stuff.  In order to end these fights I am going to present rules to various situations, were as (is that supposed to be one word : wereas?  Hell, I don't know.) both parties have to adhere to the rules.

Rule of Ordering at a Drive Thru

1. If ordering for a car load of people, the driver should be given all orders by the time he pulls up to the speakerbox.
2. YOU MAY NOT INTERRUPT the conversation between the driver and the magically talking box.  While the ordering is going on that relationship is sacred.  If you have something to add simply touch the driver and wait for the order to be finished.  You can then tell him what you need to tell him and he will address the magical talking box again.
3. If the order is more than 40 dollars then you should not use the drive thru.  That is too many items for the driver to keep track of in his head.
4. Remember that orders can be changed at the window as well, so if something is not right or someone other than the driver wants to make a modification this can be addressed at the window, besides it is just fast food not the end of the world.
5. Once the transaction is done, IT IS DONE.  If all food is correct then why the hell would you have issue with how it was ordered?  If the driver did not order to your satisfaction, then drive yourself next time...  Seriously, do we really care?

Okay so I am trying a new type of post and we will see if it sticks around.  The reason for this is simple.  The topic I want to cover really does not fit into A Husband's guide to, Terms of, or Things.  Please keep in mind that Off Topic But On Point is on a trial run so if you love it, please comment or shoot me an email (thehusblog@gmail.com), please do the same if you hate it as well.

I have gotten a small amount of emails about my writing style and requests for how to be a better writer.  Seriously, I mean a small amount...  But I decided to address those emails in a post rather than writing to the small handful of emails.  Let me first say that I do not think I am a good writer.  There are several writers that I look up to.  In fact I am going to list a few of them here :

The Blogess Click Here  She is amazingly funny, and an insanely better writer than I could ever hope to be.
We Band of Mothers Click Here  She is very funny and has a sharp wit that will stab you in the face if you are not careful.
Marriage Problems Blog Click Here  She is incredibly honest, and paints a picture that you can really feel.
Her Crazy Thoughts Click Here  Raw and unfiltered, she does a great job of sharing her opinions without judgement.

These are my favorite writers, each with there (I used there wrong on purpose) own flare and flavor and each one showing me where my writing is lacking and where it could be better.  Writing really breaks down into three main points...  (not doing A Husblog Definition Pause here, because that is only for A Husband's Guide to posts...  but why do I feel still like I am cheating whenever I use bulletpoints...)

• Theme : All writing should have a theme that you carry throughout.  Its what makes the difference between hard to follow free form thoughts versus a well thought out piece of writing.
• Style : Do you want it to feel informal, as if you are talking to a friend, or do you want it to feel as if you are addressing a large group of strangers.  Either way is fine, but your style should reflect you!  A good exercise is to write as if you would talk to your audience.  Think about who you would want to talk to and write in a way to reach them.  It could be friendly and random (wanted to use non sequitur here but I could not spell it) or honest and serious... In any case use the style that fits you.
• Honesty : I can attest, that it is very hard to be completely honest in a post.  You always want to filter yourself so that you look better, or sound more intellegent (spelled it wrong on purpose to make a point).  But people will read your stuff because they can relate to it.  So please be honest.  If that is hard for you then I have an exercise.  Have a couple drinks, then write down your thoughts.  I have found that after a couple of cocktails, the filter that makes me want to seem better than I am turns off and all that is left is me, which I hope is good enough.