I was having a conversation with the wife today driving to Costco about how unfair life can be.  We were talking about hard times some of our family members were going through and it made me think of all kinds of little truths about life and I did not even come close to understanding in my 20's.

It seems to me that life can move by in two very different intervals.  At times it feels as if the world around us is moving so very fast.  Moments slip through our fingers lost to the winds of time in less time than it takes to blink an eye.

While at other times moments can last ten life times, each heartbeat taking hours to complete while we watch waiting for it to be over.

Long drawn out opening set up -- CHECK
Potent Metaphor Hinting at a deeper meaning -- CHECK
Redundant Checklist -- CHECK

The marriage pause is the moment we married people take to assess a situation and decide what our next action should be.  Typically, ladies have us men beat in this department right out the gate.  Women can take a holistic approach to any situation, whereas men, especially in the early years of a marriage are lucky if they remember to open the car door for our spouses.

That is not to say men cannot learn how to take the marriage pause, it is just our learning curve can be a bit steep.  However we do get the easy ones.  But there are some that require a more advanced degree.

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Marriage Pause Degrees

• Elementary School : A woman other than our wife asks if we want to have sex.  This is easy we say no (pause would be only as long as it takes us to draw breathe to say NO).  Give us some credit here ladies.
• Junior High : Pause to compliment wife when she is dressed to the 9's.
• G.E.D. : Pause to think if the wife needs anything from the store when you go to get something for yourself.
• High School Diploma : When going to the store pause to ASK the wife if she needs anything.
• Bachelor's Degree : Taking a moment to really think about the best gift to get the wife for an anniversary or birthday.
• Master's Degree : Before you invite 10 friends over to watch the game you think if that will bother the wife and if so how you can alleviate her issues.
• PhD : Thinking about big decisions such as job or living condition and how it will affect your wife before you even contemplate it for yourself.

Right off the bat I want to say I am unsure where the phrase right off the bat came from...

But that is beside the point.

When I talk about surroundings I am less referring to the area in which you live and more referring to the people you choose to have around.  Apparently I need to surround myself with more English Degreed Writers (and apparently capitalization experts as well).

"There is no such thing as 'capitalization experts', dumbass"

Well it appears the critical voice in my head woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

Whenever I think about the people that surround us I am reminded of an early episode of the West Wing.  In an episode of the show, which focuses around a Democratic President, the President watches a Republican Pundit wipe up the floor with one of his aids on a news program and wants to hire her.  When the Pundit is approached by a member of the President's staff she asks why would the President want to hire her.  The answer was, "the President likes to surround himself with smart people who disagree with him."

I always loved that answer.  I love that answer for two reasons.  One it is an admission that just because one feels a certain way about something doesn't mean that is the right position.  And two it places a profound respect on Intelligence, something sorely lacking sometimes.

Most of my really great friends and I don't see eye to eye on some topics.  I love a good debate.  And I also love a good debate with someone who can intelligently defend their position.  It is important for us as married partners to have friends around us to with different opinions so that we can see other perspectives.

Now don't get me wrong, it is okay to have different opinions and perspectives but we also have to be careful to surround ourselves with friends with the same moral compass.  It is never a good idea to be friends with a liar or cheater.

We can sometimes get sucked into the married life.  Surrounding ourself with only our wife and children but it is important to also get that outside perspective.  And that perspective is even further enhanced if, instead of blind agreement, it provides a challenge to conceived notions, feed by robust debate, and tempered with likeminded morals.

-TheHusBlog

ps : Right off the bat is a baseball term, meaning immediately.  It's first incarnation was "hot off the bat".

When I used to go to bars, alcoholic drinks had such enticing names, Sex on the Beach, Red Headed Slut, Screaming Orgasm, and Mind Eraser...

I know I have been so off schedule it isn't even funny and I will get back to regularly scheduled programming in the coming weeks but unfortunately I have gotten busy with the most random of things.  This week is the wife's Birthday Week.  Yes, I said Birthday Week.  My family does birthday's big so it could not simply be contained in just one day.  In fact my happy ass was up at 7.30am on a Saturday to go get breakfast Tacos for the wifey.  Let birthday week begin.

Tonight we have a romantic dinner scheduled which should be fun.

But I digress.  This post is about the inevitable evolution where everyone loves dinner parties.  Okay, maybe not everyone.  But in our youth to host a party all you had to do was acquire booze, call people, and then drink.  While these were easy and successful affairs age ill affords us the ability to drink with such aplomb.

But you still want to meet up with friends and have conversation.

Which leads us to dinner parties.  Kegs of domestic beer and vodka in plastic bottles gives way to lamb chops served on a bed of potato leak gratin and a sassy red with fine nose.  The topics of conversation evolve as well.  From who is dating whom, to who just had a baby and 401Ks.

Is it the death of youth when one begins to appreciate the finer things in life?

Nah...

But seriously, who doesn't love a good dinner party.

-TheHusBlog

Marriage is a partnership, often times it relies on the agreement between two individuals to not only support one another, but to have one another's back should conflict arise.  It is hard to be completely fair to someone we see and interact with every day.  As the years progress we tend to see more of the flaws than the successes...

In order to really enjoy and support your partner you have to remember the the three C's.  Compliment, Congratulate, and Critique.  By the way it is in that order...

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : The Three C's

• Compliment.  If you spouse looks wonderful, then tell them so.  Make sure you are genuine in your compliment.  We so often take for granted the amazing things our spouse does everyday.  It can be a challenge to step outside of ourselves to realize how lucky we are to have our partners.
• Congratulate.  It is important to celebrate the successes of our partners.  Whether it is completing a program of some kind, getting a promotion, or saving the life of a foreign dignitary.  Successes should be enjoyed because they are what lifts us up.
• Critique.  Certainly there are times when we are hurt, bothered, or even offended by our spouses behavior.  In those instances you will have to have a conversation with them about how you perceived the situation and how they perceived it.  These conversations should always be fact based, with no name calling, and of course constructive.

Before my wife and I got married we bought a book called "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married."

Our exploration of this book started as a lark(yeah I just used lark in a sentence, jealous?) but soon became a very serious endeavor.  It served as a great spring board for exploring topics that we didn't think of or were scared to dive into.  However in reflecting on this book I have thought of a few questions that were not covered that I think every engaged couple should explore before walking down the aisle.

Things that you should ask before marriage:

Zombie Section

• If we had two weapons, a crossbow and a machete, which weapon would you want me to use and which weapon would you want to use?
• I am turned into a Zombie, do you:
• Capture me, and search the earth for a cure
• Shoot me in the head immediately because you know I would not want to be a zombie
• Let me bite you so we can be zombies together
• Run away screaming screw you, I'm dating your sister(or brother) now
• Would you be willing to kill our human neighbors for their food so we can survive, because after all he seems to take good care of his family.  I mean why can't you get a promotion at work.  And have you seen her new car...
• How much pre zombie war stock piling is too much?