Hi Everybody, your friendly world wide web TheHusBlog here, and this post is going to be a little different. The majority of my posts are a collection of thoughts over a history of experiences, this post is going to be a little more personal. For the sake of privacy I do not like to go into too much specific personal detail but I have something that I would like to share, but first I have to give some personal background. To the set the stage for the rest of this post I have to share with you the current situation of my life and marriage.
My wife is currently pursuing her CRNA degree. For those of you who do not know CRNA stands for Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist. For her orientation it was requested that spouses attend as well. I thought they must just want to share with us the program so we know a little more.
We arrived on campus and easily found the location of the orientation. Standard fare then ensued. The faculty was introduced, the classes were discussed, and then things got interesting. The students were then asked to move to a different building and the spouses were asked to remain. My wife left to go fill out paper work and such and us spouses (about 50% Husbands, 50% Wives) stayed for a speaker. The speaker was a wife of a student who just finished his first year. She then spoke about the challenges of the program. She spoke about feeling like a single parent to their two children. She spoke about not only having to care for all of his needs, the kids needs, but the lack of help she received from him. She spoke about his late nights studying, she spoke about thanking God that her parents lived by them so she had some support. She painted a grim picture indeed. She capped her talk by saying how proud she was of him, how hard the program was, and how he had changed. After we all politely applauded the room was eerily silent. I was thinking what I am sure everyone else in that room was thinking, "My wife(or Husband) will be better than that, she(or he) won't let me down." One of the faculty members came up after the speaker and said these words, that still ring in my ears, "Make no mistake, for the next two and half years, your needs are not going to be met." I did not know then what she meant. I thought in that moment, "Well, that is fine, we don't have kids, I have a busy job and we don't have to go out that much, maybe once a month and I would be fine." I even started planing the various hobbies I was going to take up to pass the time when she was studying.
We take our spouses for granted. It is just human nature, we get used to certain things and then expect them to happen all the time. The one thing that we all take for granted is being first in our spouse's life. Well, let me tell you, once you are no longer first things get hard. In the beginning we both adjusted. She was studying morning, noon, and night and I just let her have her space. But certain things started happening. First our eating schedules came out of sync. She could not take breaks to eat so she would heat something up and take it in her office and I would eat alone as well. Then our sleeping came out of sync. She would be up later than me studying, and then she would sleep later to make up for it. Then she would have to get to the gym to workout the stress that she was under. Now all of a sudden we weren't eating at the same time, sleeping at the same time, or even home at the same time. Sex was happening maybe once a month and for the most part it was quick.
Our marriage was in trouble in my opinion. At first I reacted by being kind of distant and angry. I mean after all I was the most important thing in her life, right? Wrong. I wasn't. Her priorities were :
- Working Out (stress relief)
Let me state in advance, that my goal here is not just to get sex(I know, the post is titled the "Sex-periment, but the Intimacy-periment doesn't have the same ring). My goal is to show my wife how much I love her, how much she turns me on, and how much I have to offer. My goal is to increase physical intimacy, which does include sex, but it is not limited to it...
What follows below is bullet points related to my days, what I did to show the wife how much I care.
- Never appear in shabby or sloppy clothes.
- I held her hand while we watched TV, normally I don't do that, but I wanted physical contact.
- Snuggled up next to her at bed time. Tried to initiate sex, but shot down, was totally cool about it.
- Never appear in shabby or sloppy clothes.
- Held her hand in the morning while we slept. Then snuggled up next her.
- Got up before her and brushed my teeth so that my breath was fresh in the morning.
- Continued snuggling until she got up to go to bathroom
- We went to workout together, it was awesome.
- Had lunch with her and mother in law, touched and held hands during meal.
- She had to go to bed early because of 24 hour shift on Sunday. Wrote a note about how much I love her and left it in her car for the morning.
- Wife is working 24 hours, so I spent the day doing laundry and making sure the house is clean.
- Had a really good day just hanging out, really missed the wifey though.
- Got home had a stressful day at work.
- Talked to wife about her day, which sounded totally exhausting.
- We both went to bed tired.
- Got home pretty late because Tuesday is a day with personal trainer after work.
- Watched TV for a while. Wife got home, talked with her a little bit.
- Broke my not appearing in shabby clothes rule, was in my robe.
- Broke the shabby clothes rule AGAIN! This is hard. Feeling frustrated with my job and I am not being as cool as I want to be.
- Talked a little bit, we both went to bed tired.
- Guess who had another 24 hour shift again? That's right, my wife. She was at work, I was supposed to hang out with a friend. My friend had to cancel so I was at home alone. Played video games, watched TV, wasn't a bad night but I thought of my wife often.
- Took the day off from work, got up early and made breakfast for her when she got home.
- Ate a good breakfast (to be honest, I made food that I like instead of what she likes so I feel like I lose some points here, but she didn't say anything)
- We both went to bed.
- I got up around 2.00pm.
- Hung around for a while, wife got up and went to the gym.
- She got home and we went out for an amazing meal and date.
- I made some index cards with what I thought were cute questions for us for the drive. Wife was not having it. She thought they were stressful. I was confused because I thought they were cute and fun, but she was not having it, so I let it go.
- Got back home and watched a little TV together, I wanted to cuddle a little bit, but so did the cat. Our cat is feeling abandoned so we both just pet the cat.
- Went to bed, and I stated to put the moves on, and she was EXHAUSTED. I could see it in her eyes, she did not want to be, but she was. She went to sleep.