A Husband's Guide to : New Year's Resolutions

Everyone makes New Year's Resolutions or NYRs.  NYR might also be an acronym for New York Raccoons or Nest Your Rabbits, but for the duration of this post lets go with NYR = New Year's Resolution.  Some people make NYRs with the best of intentions and other people make them just to go along with crowd.  This post focuses on the latter(I really wanted to type ladder there to be funny).  If your goal is to create NYRs that sound good, or will give you something to say when your other co-workers or friends start babbling about theirs then you have found yourself in the quandary of creating a NYR that sounds good, but is easy.

In order to create the perfect slacker NYR first we have to understand what would be a good one, then deconstruct that to finds it's opposite.  In corporate America many people get annual reviews, and often are assigned Goals.  These goals are typically S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely).  That already sounds challenging doesn't it.  So let's use a different set of adjectives.  Vague, Asinine, Proper-sounding, Ordinary, Ridiculous.  What does that spell?  Vapor or if you prefer the British spelling (Vague, Asinine, Proper-sounding, Ordinary,  Utterly Ridiculous) Vapour.  Now you might be thinking, "TheHusBlog, I stopped reading a while ago, can you just list out some examples I can steal?"

Okay, how about this:

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Some NYR Examples

  • Vague : The key here is to not get specific and do not provide a base line.  Eat healthier could just mean eating a salad once a month... DONE!
    • Drink more water
    • Eat healthier
    • Work out more
  • Asinine : Keep it strange so people won't ask questions
    • Read less about Badgers
    • Stop trying to create my own board game based on the quadratic equation
    • Start trying to create my own board game based on the quadratic equation
    • Lose weight by changing the gravitational constant of the universe
  • Proper Sounding : The key here is make it sound good
    • Give more to charity
    • Be nicer to people
    • Enjoy life more
  • Ordinary : Make it sound like something everyone would do so that people are inclined to move on and not ask questions
    • Give up Gin (especially useful if you really don't like or drink gin)
    • Invest (then mumble what you are really going to spend money on) like Invest in more beer
  • Ridiculous : If all else fails say something crazy and hope they move on.
    • Stop trying to genetically splice a turkey with hat
    • Stop driving with only my feet
    • Stop trying to teach my computer how to line dance
    • Start trying to bring back the Macarena
Okay, okay serious for a moment.  Thank you for reading and I really do wish all my readers the best year possible and hope for nothing but wonderful things.  I started writing this blog a year ago as a place to put my thoughts and along the way some of you found it funny, interesting, or thoughtful enough to keep coming back.  Cheers to you loyal readers and I hope the new year finds you happier!


4 Response to "A Husband's Guide to : New Year's Resolutions"

  1. I'm now four days into a resolution free New Year. So far so good. I don't feel any of the old customary temptation to let a resolution slide and then try to ease back into it. This year I'm full-on compliant. It's working out so well I'm thinking about a penance free Lent.

    LOL. I think my only NYR this year is going to be enjoy life more. I feel like we miss the point too often. I will just enjoy time with the wife more and enjoy all things I get to experience. Also I think I will enjoy moving, which is going to happen in about 3 months which I sure is going to bring many a blog post.

    Unknown says:

    I made a list of resolutions (most of which can easily be categorized under "Things to help me stop looking like an asshole"). Mine didn't include giving up gin - mainly because I don't drink gin, but it did include limiting my curse words. I'm great at the start, lazy at the end. This post is hilarious! I think I snorted a few times even, but don't tell anyone!

    Hi Jennifer : The only way I have ever found to stop swearing is when I am around children. For some reason my sense of propriety kicks in when young kids are around, something about not corrupting youth and what not. But because I don't have any of my own, I swear tons at home. And I figured having a kid so that I stop swearing is probably the most expensive option and also would lead to a difficult discussion when the kid gets old enough to ask why my wife and I had him/her. So I am just going to stick with my NYR to stop drinking gin. Thanks for reading!

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