Okay guys it is time to get real.  This post is about you.  This post is about how attractive you are.  Maybe I need to think about my lead in a little bit more.  Oh well, no time, let's move on to content.

Guys, you have probably let yourself go.  If you haven't please feel free to stop reading now.  But more than likely you are not in the same shape you were when you met and courted your wife.  I am not saying this to be mean but you and I need to have some tough talk.  You need to take care of yourself as you get older, age, mature.  This is important for two reasons.  Which means it is time for...

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : Two Reasons While You Need to Take Care of Yourself

Wait, wait.  Hold on a minute.  There is absolutely no reason to do a TheHusBlog Definition Pause for two things.  Come on, Man, Really?!


Valid point.  So the two reasons are : 1.) To live a longer life.  2.)  To be attractive to the wife.

You were really going to stretch that into TheHusBlog Definition Pause, man you are getting lazy.  

I really need to stop talking, writing to myself, mainly because I can be mean.

In our society there is often talk of the wife letting herself go...  To be honest from what I see from my friends, it is actually the husband who lets himself go.  This has to stop.  I need my husbands out there to take care of themselves and this does not mean you need to crazy and have a spa day or go to the gym for 10 hours a day and just eat raw veggies.  But there are a few really simple things you should be doing to be a good and attractive husband to your wife.

TheHusBlog Definition Pause : The Little Things to Accessorize Your Attractiveness

• Work out : Yes you should get some physical activity.  That doesn't mean run out, join a gym, hire a personal trainer and go nuts.  Just taking a couple 30 minute walks during the week a brisk pace will help keep you in shape and make you feel better.
• "Engaged Eating" : This is term I have made up to help correct some bad habits I have.  Engaged Eating means you make a meal about time with you and your spouse.  With the busy lives we all have we can sometimes fly through a meal with our spouse and not really connect.  Engaged Eating has a couple simple rules to combat this trend.  Rule 1 : Order something you do not have to take big bites of and does require a fork and/or knife.  Save the cheeseburgers and ribs for having a meal with your guy friends.  I have, to date, never seen anyone look attractive taking a big old bite of a burger or with a mouth covered in BBQ sauce.  Rule 2 : Talk, Ask, Chew.  Meals get into a really good rhythm when you ask a question, then take a bite and chew while the other person responds.  Eating, especially between couples should be a social affair.  Nothing is more annoying than eating a nice meal out and not actually connecting.  Rule 3 : Slow it down.  It's not like you get the meal for free if you manage to eat it in under 30 seconds.  Take the time to connect throughout the meal and pace yourself.
• Clip your toenails! : I have several female friends and one of their number one complaints is getting scratched to hell from jagged toe nails.  Men, overall, do not take good care of their feet.  Trim those toes up!  I actually go out and get a pedicure with one of my best guy friends once every two months.  We get a pedicure, then go out and eat some very unhealthy mexican food, it is awesome.  
• Smell Good : Okay guys, let's get real.  It is important to keep clean and smell good.  That doesn't mean you have to go out and buy expensive cologne, but maybe it is time to change your soap or deodorant choice at least.  If when you get out of the shower your wife does not compliment how good you smell, it might be time to change it up.  
• Be groomed : If your wife complains that your face is scratchy, then shave more often.  You are far more likely to get kissed if your wife does not suffer from road rash each time she tries to peck your cheek.  And without getting too graphic you also might want to do some man-scaping.  Meaning if you are a little out of control "down there" it might be time to do some trimming.
• No holes in any clothing! : We all have our favorite ratty old shirt and it will always have its place.  But if you are trying to impress your wife, well maybe you need to dress the part.  You should always dress up a little when going out with your honey.  Pull the plastic off of your work clothes and wear them out on date night.  Jeans are great and all but put a little more effort in and you will reap rewards.

You can tell two things from the title of this post:

I have been asked by a couple(and by that I mean actually two people, yeah I am popular) people to be a guest poster on their blog for Leap Blog Day.  Just keep in mind, if you ask me, you will get the following questions:

1.)  Can I swear?  I ask because I sometimes do and want to make sure if that is okay.  If you would prefer the content PG I can easily do that to... totally up to you.

2.)  Are there any topics you want me to write about?  I already have a couple ideas but if there is a direction you want me to go or a topic you would like covered I can do that to.

3.)  Are there any topics you would like me to avoid?  I don't typically write about anything controversial but I also want to make sure there is not something you would like me to avoid.

4.)  How many alcoholic beverages is acceptable for me to consume before starting to write (please see below chart)

0-1 Rum and Cokes : Very little spelling/grammar errors but typically only provides a chuckle
2-3 Rum and Cokes : Funnier, but usually contains run sentences, liberal application of commas, and is marginally self-grandizing.  
3-4 Rum and Cokes : Hilarious but hard to follow, often jumps topics with wreck-less abandon, spelling will be questionable at best.
4-5 Rum and Cokes : I will probably use a pun...  And not in a good way
6-7 Rum and Cokes : At this point I usually don't finish writing and wake up in the morning with a search history filled with Tattoo images to help me find the perfect ink for my bicep and at least a 10 dollar charge in my iTunes account for Bruce Hornsby's Greatest Hits or some other 80's Adult Soft Rock hit...  I know, scary right?

Okay with the exception of #4 all the other questions are serious. 


While this does seem a bit off putting, I promise that my guest post will be amazing...  Please keep in mind at the time of this post I have had 2.5 Rum and Cokes and am a bit self grandizing right now.


-TheHusBlog

I have several things going on right now.  My life will be extremely busy for the next month due to work items and personal items.  Not to say I am complaining, I am actually extremely pumped.  But because I have so many things going on it is hard for me to sit down and write out a themed post so instead I give you a list of random things going on with me.

• My wife and I are moving!!!  YAY!  The Mrs and I are super excited.  For the past three years we have been renting a house out in the suburbs because it was kind of a half way point between her school and my work.  This house has never felt like a home.  It has always just been a way station on the path to her graduation.  One of both of our dreams was to live in a downtown high-rise.  Well now is the time.  Our move date is March 6th and I told my wife I would take care of everything.  I am going crazy trying to coordinate everything but it is so going to be worth it.  
• At work I have been mentoring an analyst to move into management.  It has been a long process and it is looking like this analyst will finally be promoted.  This is something that means the world to me. I got into management to help people grow and this person getting promoted represents a validation of all of their hard work...
• Leap Blog Day is coming...  click here  And I am super nervous.  I have asked a few people to guest post and I have been asked to guest write a couple times as well.  I am not concerned about my guest writers because they are AWESOME!  I am concerned about the people I am guest writing for because it is such a huge honor to me and I want to do them proud...
• Politics is making me crazy.  I used to really enjoy it and now it just makes me sad.  I typically vote Republican and the current line up is just plain sad.
• I have noticed that my wife and I are becoming dangerously close to addicted to technology.  We both have iPhones and we both check them constantly.  I am thinking about instituting a new cell phone day for us...
• The Gentlemen's Rants on youtube might be my new favorite thing...  There is some swearing so I am calling this NSFW.

Apologies in advance this is going to be a short post.  You see I am having to write my annual performance reviews for my team and as such what little writing I have left in the tank after working on these is probably not funny.

However if I had to guess what my performance appraisal from my Marriage Boss (Wife) would be, I think it would go something like this:

"While the Husband in question certainly means well, there some areas that should be praised and others that require attention.  Leadership in the areas of trash management and dish washer emptying receive high marks when completed in a timely manner.  However on certain occasions this was not the case.  The Husband has earned high praise in gift giving, both on the thoughtfulness scale and appropriate priciness scale.  Husband, however has missed some deadlines which bare mention in this review :

• Office to be cleaned up before company
• Not leaving clothes lying around
• And of course reading the mail

I read several blogs.  In fact if I show up as a reader of a blog that is my personal endorsement of them rocking.  As I search around for new things to read I often have trouble finding male bloggers in the realm of relationships.  I categorize myself as Marriage Blogger but under the heavy guise of humor.  I try to write things that are funny.  Sometimes I get serious but for the most part I believe that my experiences are hilarious.  I don't really fancy this blog as an advice column, even though that is what is seems to be.  I think all human beings really fumble through life, for the most part, doing the best that they can.

If any of my experiences make you laugh, then score.  If you also learn something, then bonus.  I read several legitimate Marriage Blogs with tons of helpful advice, some of it I can use, some of it I cannot.  I spent a lot of time looking online for "averages."  Meaning things like, average times a couple fights, average times a couple has sex, average time a couple spends together, average time a couple spends apart, etc.  And after a while of driving myself crazy trying to figure out if my marriage was average I decided to start this blog.  It serves not only as a place to vent, but also to journal, organize ideas, and dare I say it grow.

The real secret to any marriage is just figuring out what works for you and your spouse.  Society seems to have gone overboard on the whole self esteem thing.  (I know that last sentence was a shitty segue but go with me on this.)  I am not trying to dog self esteem but I also have a unique prospective.  I am fat.  I do not have a problem with being called over weight, it is simply a fact and in no way, shape or form does that make me have low self esteem.  Now certainly from a health perspective I am trying to lose weight and work out more.  This country has a real problem with obese people and we need to fix that.  It seems society is trying to tip toe around the giant overweight population. Rather we should just call it like we see it.  That is not to say that just because you are overweight that you are not attractive.  I find people who are skinny unattractive myself.  That is not too say that if you are overweight there is something defective about you.  Being overweight is just a small part of the person that you are and you should not only identify with that part of you.

"Ah, TheHusBlog what the hell is going on?  Isn't this post supposed to be about Inspiration?"

Yeah, I know I am getting there.

"Well could you get there faster?  This is getting way too off topic."

So on to my point.  With regards to my weight and my marriage, I only worry about what works for me and my spouse.  I do not feel like a bad person because I am overweight, but I do work on it for health reasons because my wife wants me around for the long haul.  With regards to how many times my wife and I fight, make up, or spend time together, I don't worry about trying to fit into some national average. Instead I try to find what works for us.

And finding what works for us is where much of my inspiration comes from.  Marriage can at times be the easiest thing in the world and at other times feel like the hardest job you will ever have.  All the marriage facts and psychologist opinions in the world won't make you a great husband.  But listening to what your partner is saying and listening to how you are feeling will...

-TheHusBlog

ps : Yeah I know this really isn't a funny post.  But come on, I feel like this post from December more than makes up for the funny missing here.

"Whoa there TheHusBlog, if that is your real name, you haven't done a post like this in a while..."

That is true, haven't really written a post of this type in a while but this just had to be shared.  I was driving around the other day and I noticed a new sign in a local strip center for "Tax Masterz."  No, that is not a typo, they spelled Masterz with a mutha fucking "Z".  I am sorry for cursing but that kind of shit (there I go again) makes me CRAZY!

I am so sick and tired of the casual nature in which we have started to treat our language.  I blame texting, the media, the internet, hell, I blame the education system.  It's one thing to have trouble using there, their, and they're, which is stupid, but it is a whole other thing to spell something wrong on purpose because it is cute, or stands out, or what ever.

--Quick Segue--

For a about a year and half I worked as a traveling salesman for Nestle Candy.  I worked in channel sales which basically meant convenience stores.  My territory was eastern Oklahoma, western Arkansas, and southern Missouri.  During my time I ran across literally every fucking funny, silly, dumbass way to spell quick.  Kwick, Quik, Kweck, Quic, etc.  All because people wanted their cute little store to stand out.  It made me so mad!  Coming up with an interesting store name does not need to involve miss-spelling.

--End of Kwick Segue--  (See how dumb that looks)

Convenience Stores are one thing, but a tax preparation service.  Really, how would I have any confidence in a tax person who works at a place that doesn't know how to use an 'S'.

I ranted to FriendofTheHusBlogGuy about this and asked him:  "Would you use a tax service called tax masterz with a Z!!"

His response : "Is the receptionist cute?"

My friend is a real jack ass sometimes...

-TheHusBlog